Connor is 6 weeks!

Connor is 6 weeks old today and really I can't believe it's already been 6 weeks since we started our journey as a family of four.

We're surviving so far!  Some days are rougher than others but we're getting by.  I thought going from 0 to 1 kid was going to be the hardest transition but 1 to 2 kids has given me a run for my money and I'm just glad that my kids are 3 years apart in age and not closer because the demand on this mama is real.  Thankfully my kids are adorable and still make me smile even when I'm beyond exhausted sometimes.

Funny story about the two pics below -- I try to get pictures of Declan and Connor when they are together and when I ask Declan to smile, he tells me he's not in the mood for pictures so I miss out on some adorable moments.  But there are days we're playing in Connor's room after Declan gets home from school and the only thing Declan wants to do is sit in the rocking chair and pose for pictures with his brother.  Those are the times when I don't have my phone handy so he tells me, "Mom, get your phone and take a picture of us."  And of course, when I snap a pic I get these cheesy grins from Declan.  Cracks me up every time.

Last week I took Connor in for his one month checkup and he's a growing boy!

Here are his one month stats compared to Declan's:

Weight: 9 lbs 15.6 ozs (45%)  /  8 lbs 14.6 ozs (22%)

Length: 21.75 inches (52%)  /  22.75 inches (94%)

Head: 38.5 cm (81%)  /  36.75 cm (32%)

I also did a side by side of their one month pics and was so surprised.  I really think they look more alike than what this picture shows.

Also, it's interesting because I thought Connor was so much smaller than Declan but I guess I'm just a bit foggy when it comes to remembering Declan's newborn days.  So far, Connor has not taken as much interest in the Baby Einstein mat like Declan did at this age.  Anytime he lays on it, he's content for a few minutes and then wants to be up and about.  Connor is more about cuddles and looking around while being held on someone's shoulder.  He's found his voice in the last week and will coo and babble and smile at you.  It's the sweetest.

We're still working on sleeping through the night and getting a schedule in place.  Hopefully we'll get this mastered in the next few weeks and we'll be ready for the holidays and for when I go back to work in January.

Halloween 2021

Happy November!

Last night was Halloween and Declan had so much fun trick-or-treating throughout the neighborhood and passing out candy to the other kids.  We let Declan pick out his costume again this year and this season he chose to be a fire truck. He really has a love for vehicles -- last year he was an excavator, this year he had to be a fire truck, not a firefighter, but a fire truck. We set out in September to buy his costume because I wasn't sure how I'd feel in October going out with a newborn and finding a costume.  Thankfully Target had exactly what we needed and Declan has been super excited for Halloween since that time.

Saturday night we carved our pumpkin and all day Sunday he asked if it was time to go trick-or-treating. Finally after a quick dinner of Taco Bell at 5 pm, we got him ready at 5:45 and let him go and check out the neighborhood. I stayed home with Connor and my mom but we did spend some time outside setting out the treat bags for the kids visiting our house and catching up with our neighbors.  Similar to last year, we decided to be more cautious and we put a table in our driveway with prefilled treat bags for the trick-or-treaters. Declan made his rounds with the help of D and Michael and got back home around 6:30 so happy with his loot.

Connor was unimpressed with Halloween and spent most of his time sleeping in his stroller covered up while we were outside but he did look adorable in his Halloween outfit picked out by Declan. Overall it was a good night, but it was tough getting Declan ready for bed and preparing him for school today. I never thought I'd say this, but I've turned into the mom that would prefer for Halloween to be on the last Saturday of the month rather than whatever day the 31st falls on. It would make my life so much easier rather than trying to explain to a toddler that he can't eat all of his candy and he needs to get to bed and get some rest after all of the Halloween excitement because the next day is a school day.

Anyway, here are some pics of our fun:

Declan picking out his pumpkin.

Declan cleaning out his pumpkin and getting ready to carve it.

Practicing his firefighting Halloween Eve.

Our Little Fire Engine

Connor enjoying his Halloween outfit, picked out by brother.

My boys

Looking Back

The other day, I decided to go back through the early days of my blog, just to reminice a bit. While I didn't read all of my old posts, I did find a post from 2009 that was interesting.  Apparently I took some quiz "Which Mad-Men Era Female Icon Are You?"  and got Marilyn Monroe as my personality type. It was pretty accurate back in 2009 for me but looking back on it now as a mom and I have to say, it still is so true.

So here are those results and my comments looking back 12 years, a husband and two kids later.

You are a Marilyn - I am affectionate and skeptical.

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

* Be direct and clear  (this is so true as a wife now -- I can't read minds, even though I do try to think ahead and take care of all of the needs of my family, I now realize communication is key)

* Listen to me carefully (even more true as a wife and mom now and in a house full of boys, I'm usually only partially heard)

* Don't judge me for my anxiety (I'm even more anxious now than I was 12 years ago unfortunately)

* Work things through with me

* Reassure me that everything is OK between us

* Laugh and make jokes with me (I could use more of this these days. It's what drew me to my husband but sometimes this gets pushed aside due to all of the seriousness in the world nowadays. This will continue to be a goal for me in the future.)

* Gently push me toward new experiences

* Try not to overreact to my overreacting. (something D & I always have to work on in our marriage)

What I Like About Being a Marilyn

* being committed and faithful to family and friends

* being responsible and hardworking (I pride myself on this all day, every day)

* being compassionate toward others

* having intellect and wit (YES!!!)

* being a nonconformist

* confronting danger bravely

* being direct and assertive (I've found my voice in 12 years and probably am more direct now than ever before and am not scared to use my voice)

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn

* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind (my life in a nutshell)

* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself

* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of

* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger (as a mom, this is my constant fear these days)

* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right (AMEN!)

* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations (YEP!!!  And my expectations are to always be super woman)

Marilyns as Children Often

* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn (I'd like to think I'm dependable, but I'm also a bit sarcastic and stubborn at times or according to D, all of the time.)

* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger (I think as I've aged, these are my main personality attributes)

* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent

* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel

* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents

* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty (I always want to be known as the best mom ever)

* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence

* worry more than most that their children will get hurt (I'd wrap my boys in bubble-wrap if I could)

* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

I shared this with D last night. It was quite eye-opening for him as I didn't know him when I took the quiz all those years ago but he agreed, most of what he read was me to a tee. I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Mid-October Check In

The last two weeks have passed in a blur but we're surviving our new life as a family of four.  I feel like I'm in a constant state of tired but I can't blame that on anyone but myself. With only being nearly 3 weeks postpartum, I feel the need to keep myself busy doing something with my time off and so much so that yesterday I finally hit a wall.  Yesterday I ended up spending most of my day napping on the couch with Connor and pretty much forgetting anything I needed to do. It felt nice just getting to cuddle with my newborn but I did feel guilty last night that I let everything else go.  (Typical Lindsay feelings.) I guess I more than made up for it today as I did a few loads of laundry, packed up Declan's summer clothes, got treat bags ready for Halloween and took care of my Connor boy.

Last week, Connor had a weight check at the pediatrician on Monday and he was above his birth weight (woohoo!), so we got to forgo his 2 week check up on Thursday. He's eating like a champ, taking bottles and occasionally nursing and keeping to a pretty consistent feeding schedule. He's starting sleeping a bit more at night as well and I've not had to set my alarm to wake him every 2 hours in order to eat.  He'll wake every 3-4 hours on his own and then go back to sleep fairly easily.

Last Thursday, Declan had his 3 year old checkup at the pediatrician and his first dentist appointment. He's doing well growth-wise and had an excellent first visit with the dentist. I was unsure if he would let the hygienist actually clean his teeth but he had no problems with that or the x-rays she took.  He also let the dentist check out his teeth and his overall bite without any issue and he got an application of fluoride.  We celebrated by having "old McDonald's" for lunch with Daddy and Nana.

On Saturday, we had a visit from my Dad, Ryan, Kahla, Henry and Abby. Everyone got to meet Connor and Declan had so much fun playing with his cousins. We celebrated my Dad's birthday while they were here with dinner from Pickleman's and bundtinis from Nothing Bundt Cakes and we got to catch the Blues game on tv.

This week we're getting ready for Halloween. Declan has a Halloween party at school on Friday and we have to carve our pumpkin later in the week so we're ready for the weekend. Declan is going to be a fire truck and Connor will just be in a cute Halloween outfit picked out by his big brother. We're still playing it pretty safe with trick-or-treating this year and plan to put a table out in our driveway with treat bags similar to last year.  D will still take Declan around in the neighborhood but I'll just stay inside with Connor or far away from everyone if the weather is decent and we can be outside.  One thing I do know is that Declan is super excited. Halloween is his absolute favorite holiday and I know he's going to have so much fun!

Connor is HERE!!!

As expected last Thursday, I headed into the hospital for my scheduled induction and a mere 6 and a half hours later, we were the proud parents of Connor Rhys!

Everyone had been on pins and needles the week leading up to my induction. My mom planned a birth lottery with friends and family to estimate Connor's due date, people at work kept asking how I was feeling or if I was having contractions and I was just trying to get through my last few days in the office and wrap things up so I could leave work at work for awhile. I knew I wouldn't go into labor early. Based upon my doctor's appointments and where Connor was, I was confident I'd be going to the hospital for my scheduled induction. I know I had that thought with Declan but this time my induction was scheduled for a week earlier and I hadn't had any signs of labor that made me believe otherwise.

Sure enough, I made it to Thursday morning and we headed to the hospital at 5:30 am for my 6 am induction. I was nervous as I had no idea what to expect but the hospital staff was awesome and put me at ease from the time I got up to the Family Birthplace and got settled in my birthing suite. By 6:30 am, I was settled in bed, they started my IV of Pitocin and ran through a battery of questions for my chart. To start, I was already 3 centimeters dilated and 50-80% effaced (depending on who checked) and the doctor's instructions were to up the Pitocin every 30 minutes until I started laboring on my own. Come to find out, I was having contractions every 4-7 minutes but really couldn't feel them at all.  It was a good sign though and we were well on our way.

After my epidural failed with Declan's birth, I was adamant I would get it in enough time this time to ensure I was somewhat comfortable through delivery with Connor. The nurses were extremely supportive and made sure to get the anesthesiologist scheduled and the epidural in place before they broke my water. Around 9-9:30 am, I got my epidural and shortly thereafter the house doctor came in and broke my water.  I still wasn't very far along, only about 4 centimeters but at least I would be comfortable throughout the remainder of my labor and delivery. It was really weird getting the epidural, my legs were tingly and heavy but I wasn't completely numb. It did the trick though and I didn't feel pain. Around 10:45 am, I had progressed to 6 centimeters and besides feeling some pressure in my pelvis, I was doing ok.  At 11:30 am, I had made it to 10 centimeters and was fully effaced and my nurse made the call to my doctor so we could begin delivery. My doctor arrived a little after 12 pm and started her prep for Connor's delivery, my mom and Dustin got into place along with the delivery team and with 3 strong pushes, Connor arrived at 12:32 pm, weighing 7 lbs 0 ozs and 20.5 inches long.  He was absolutely precious and I couldn't believe that I was actually able to birth my second son.  They laid him on my chest and I didn't ever want to let go of him. Along with skin to skin, I was able to start nursing him and thankfully he took to it like a champ.

In the late afternoon, we were moved out of the birthing suite to a different recovery room because there were so many other women scheduled for inductions or just due to have babies and they needed to make sure the rooms were ready to go. We spent the rest of the day adjusting to life with a newborn and then catching up with family letting them know Connor had arrived.  We FaceTimed with Declan after preschool and he was so excited to see his brother even though Connor slept through the entire introduction.

On Friday, Connor had his 25 hour assessment and I had a checkup with my doctor.  Both went well and because we had no complications we were released from the hospital around 5:30 pm and headed home to start our life as a family of 4. Declan met Connor in person for the first time and you could see the pure joy in his face seeing his little brother. He was concerned with why Connor wasn't talking to him but we explained that he was just a newborn and mostly slept and occasionally cried. Declan showed Connor his Hot Wheels and then wanted to hold him.  My heart was filled with so much joy!

Yesterday we took Connor to the pediatrician for his first checkup. He's down a bit in weigh which is expected and has the slightest bit of jaundice but other than that is doing well.  We go back on Wednesday morning for another weight check. I'm attempting nursing with Connor with the occasional formula supplement. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself this time and know that a fed baby is more important than anything else.  

Overall I know, I have two of the most perfect boys and I'm the luckiest mom in the world.

Declan is THREE!!!

Declan turned 3 one week ago today.  It's beyond hard to believe that my first born is now a 3 year old and a big brother.

Because Declan's birthday fell on a weekday and we were so close to Connor's arrival, we decided to postpone a big birthday party and just celebrate Tuesday night with my mom and Michael and us. We woke Declan up Tuesday morning excited for his birthday and made it a point to make it all about him.  He said the most precious thing when we went to get him up though....he asked if baby Connor would be here for his birthday.  It was the absolute sweetest and while I knew we still had a few more days for baby Connor's arrival, I told him Connor would celebrate Declan's birthday in my belly. Declan went to school on Tuesday and we sent treats to celebrate with his class.  After school, we let him decide what he wanted to eat for dinner and had a mini party.  

It is so funny when it comes to asking a 3 year old what he wants for dinner.  The weekend before we started prepping him asking him what sounded good for his birthday meal.  He would say, "I don't know" or "french fries and tator tots" or "Old McDonald's".  We couldn't get a straight answer out of him and it was constantly changing.  We figured we'd ask again after school on Tuesday to see what his final decision was.  I picked Declan up after school and told him we had to figure out dinner so he could have his birthday cake for dessert.  His final request for birthday dinner was teriyaki chicken from Panda Express.  It's hilarious because there wasn't one point in the week/weekend before that he even mentioned Panda but we know he loves it and it was one of the very first restaurants we took him too once he started eating table food so it ended up being the perfect birthday meal for him.

After dinner with Nana, Papa and us, we sang Happy Birthday and enjoyed the orange cake Declan and Nana baked for his birthday and Declan opened his birthday gifts. Declan is currently obsessed with Hot Wheels and got plenty of them for his new car case and track. He also got kinetic sand, wooden blocks, books, coloring books, a spelling and numbers game, an LED writing board and from "boring mom and dad," new fall clothes.

I created the collage below for Declan's birthday and I had so many emotions when going through the photos. It is still so hard to believe that Declan is three and no longer a baby.  The time has passed so fast and I adore all of the memories we've created with him so far and can't wait to see what else the future holds for my sweet boy.

Declan excited for us to sing Happy Birthday to him!

Declan showing off some of his many Hot Wheels cars. He's so smart, he looked at each car and then told us the make and model. He amazes me every day with the things he knows!

Overall he had a great birthday and we're working on a time to celebrate with the rest of our family in the upcoming weeks.

38 Weeks and we have a Preschooler!

Declan officially became a preschooler this week!  He had a great week in his new class and was reunited with his buddy from his old class, Elliot, who moved up a few months ago.  From everything I heard from the teachers and other staff, Declan had no issues jumping right in and wasn't the least bit uncomfortable with the move.  (So different from his mom who worries and has a hard time with change!)

Here are a few pics of his week:

He worked on letters, numbers, shapes and cutting and did an awesome job with each of the projects they worked on.  I'm in awe at his vocabulary and each day he surprises me with new words and phrases he knows. It is still so unbelievable to me that my baby boy is so grown up and that in a few short days he'll be 3 and soon after that a big brother.

Speaking of being a big brother, next week is the big week.  I had my 38 week checkup yesterday and everything is on track.  It was my last checkup before my induction next week.  Connor passed his last biophysical profile and my cervical check revealed I'm 2.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced.  He's happily hanging out and I really haven't felt contractions that have prompted me to think I'm heading into labor anytime soon. I did decide to take a bump pic again...only my second for this pregnancy.  I've never really been one to track my bump each week, but with knowing this is my last pregnancy, I wanted one more pic to document this journey.

 It's been a whirlwind 9 months, but really it's been a wild 4 years starting this IVF endeavor. I remember feeling so down after meeting with the fertility doc back in September 2017, feeling so excited learning I was pregnant with Declan in February 2018, feeling nervous about trying again in January 2021 and then being excited again learning my last frozen embryo became a successful pregnancy with baby Connor.  The best way to summarize the IVF journey is that sometimes the struggles make us stronger.

Baby R #2 - 37 weeks and an almost 3 year old

Here we are 37 weeks into pregnancy with Baby Connor and I have so many mixed emotions -- happy, sad, anxious, nervous, all rolled into one going into the last few weeks.

Happy because we're about to meet our second baby boy.  The joy that Declan has expressed and how excited he is to have a little brother just melts my heart.

Sad because in just a few weeks I'm not going to be able to protect this baby from everything going on in this crazy world once he's made his entrance. (Yes, I'm that kind of protective mom.)

Anxious because even though I have everything ready physically (bags packed, room prepped, clothes washed), I still question if I'm ready for two kids and how I'm going to spread my time between Declan and Connor and give them all of the love and support each of them will need each day.

Nervous because I just don't know what to expect with this labor and delivery.  And really, I'm hoping it is a smooth as my labor with Declan but I fear the unknown.

I've been going to the doctor every Friday since the beginning of the month and everything is going really well.  I've had ultrasounds the last 3 Fridays as well just to ensure that Connor isn't in distress and is growing as he should given my age and going through IVF.  He passed his first biophysical profile on the 10th with no issues.  Last week, on the 17th, he was being stubborn and wouldn't roll for the sonographer, which is one of the requirements for passing the procedure, so I had to have a non-stress test.  He passed the non-stress test with no issue.  In fact, the nurse had to sit with me the entire time to get the monitors to stay on my belly because he was so active.  This week, the 24th, he passed again with no issues but already I know I will have another little boy that does his own thing on his own timetable.

This week the doctor also set up my induction date.  Because of staffing and the number of people due to have babies in the month of October (mid-October is a busy time!), the doctor scheduled my induction for 39 weeks exactly.  That means, my induction date is set for Thursday, October 7th at 6 am.  One week earlier than when I thought I'd be having Connor so now it's becoming very real how soon he will be here.  I know anything can happen over the next 11 days but, like with Declan, my first thought is I'll be headed in on my induction date.  With Declan, I actually didn't see my induction date though as he came at 39 weeks and 1 day, but being induced at 39 weeks now, I'm fairly confident I'll be seeing my induction date first.

Along with our upcoming arrival, Declan's turning 3 on October 5th.  He's so smart and is getting ready to transition to the preschool classroom at his school this week.  Over the last 3 weeks, we've been working on potty training and he's done a great job.  He's about 96% trained, with only having a few accidents with #2 and a couple of accidents overnight, but most nights he stays dry.  I thought it would be much harder given how much he was against it a couple of months ago, but he's been a champ through it.  It also helps that he has a friend at school that is also potty training right now so they take bathroom breaks together throughout the day.  We did have to go out and buy Paw Patrol underwear because he wouldn't train without them but that was one battle I was willing to lose, even if we did have about 10 other pairs of non-Paw Patrol underwear already.

We had his 3 year old assessment completed by our local school district this past week and they are impressed with his knowledge and skill level.  She mentioned he seems mature for his age and is well spoken for not even being 3 years old yet.  We're working on him getting himself dressed and some other small fine motor skills but overall, he's such a smarty pants.

It's going to be an exciting and crazy next few weeks for our family!

UP Vacation 2021

 In early July, we were fortunate enough to finally get to take a family vacation.  Last year, we took time off but stayed home due to the pandemic.  This year, we wanted to do something but knowing we're still in the midst of a pandemic, we decided to still have a low key vacation but spend it at D's family cabin in the Upper Peninsula in Michigan.  This also allowed for us to visit with D's family who we hadn't seen in over a year in a half.  So the first week of July, we headed out on our road trip.  From our house, the cabin is 12-13 hours away.  We knew with Declan we wouldn't be able to make it that far in the car in one day, so we decided to drive 8 hours to D's grandparents' house in Lansing and spend the night with them and then finish our trip up north on day two.  It gave us time to visit with D's grandparents too.

We started out early on a Friday morning and Declan did great in the car.  He was so excited to go to Michigan and see everyone.  We only had to make a few potty stops and a stop for lunch and we made it to Lansing just in time for dinner.  Saturday morning he woke up at the crack of dawn and wanted to go to the cabin, so we set out fairly early again after breakfast for our remaining 5 hour drive.  We got to the cabin early afternoon and Declan got to see his PaPa Tom and Grandma Kristin as they were going to be at the cabin a few days also.  Declan was so excited to see the cabin and the bay and just be out in nature.

When we planned this trip, because we hadn't seen D's family in so long, we made it a point to try to see everyone and planned to have D's dad at the cabin for a few days, then D's sister and her family and then travel to see D's mom and her side of the family.  Logistically, this was the best plan for us as we can't get to Michigan very often due to our work schedules, the time it takes to drive there and this year, saving some vacation time for maternity/paternity this year.

On the drive to the cabin after we crossed the Mackinac Bridge, we decided to stop at Castle Rock and climb the 200 steps to the top to see over the Upper Peninsula.  It was breathtaking and Declan didn't want to leave, but we wanted to get to the cabin.  We had a low-key Saturday once we got to the cabin.  After two days of a lot of driving, we stayed in and unpacked and just relaxed.  Sunday was Fourth of July and the town put on a parade, so we decided to take Declan to that.  He loved watching the cars, fire trucks, and people and had a blast picking up candy that the people on the floats handed out.  After the parade, we headed back to the cabin where D's dad had the boat ready to take D and Declan to "the Point" to rock hunt.  Rocks are another one of Declan's favorite things, so he was in heaven finding rocks in the bay and getting to bring them back in his bucket.  Afterwards we had dinner and sat by the bonfire, but it still had been a long few days for us and with Declan trying to forgo naps to enjoy all of his cabin time, we went to bed early and missed the fireworks for the Fourth.

On Monday, we decided to take a trip into Sault Ste Marie.  D has always loved going to the Soo Locks and wanted to share his love of freighters and the Locks with Declan.  We parked and walked around and got to see a few freighters by the Locks.  Apparently there was an electrical issue that needed to be fixed before any of the freighters could go through, so there was a line of freighters docked waiting for the issue to be resolved.  We knew we had a few more days to visit the Sault, so we decided to head to Meijer.  If you know my husband at all, you know no trip to Michigan is complete without stopping into Meijer at least once (and probably a few more times after that).  Meijer is one of his favorite stores -- the aisles are so big; they have the best products; it's so clean -- are a few of his compliments, so we went into the Meijer in the Soo and picked up nearly everything he needed and/or wanted.  Afterwards, we headed back to have dinner with D's dad and step-mom at the Cozy Inn before they left to head back home.

Tuesday we headed went to the Point Iroquois Lighthouse, checked out Lake Superior up close and went back to the Sault to visit the Soo Locks again and walk down Portage Ave.  We stopped into the many shops along Portage Ave to look for souvenirs and find Declan a toy freighter.  We had lunch at Karl's Cuisine and watched freighters from their rooftop.  D's sister was making the trip up to the cabin that evening so we headed back to the cabin to get ready for her family's arrival.

Wednesday, Declan woke up to his cousins being at the cabin and he had so much fun seeing them and playing with them.  We also decided that we'd take a Soo Locks boat tour that afternoon after nixing our idea to go to Mackinac Island due to the poor weather that was expected there.  We all got ready and decided before the Soo Locks Boat Tour, we'd have lunch together at The Wicked Sister.  The kids all sat together and it was like they had been best friends for years, coloring on their placemats and just talking up a storm.  We went on the Soo Locks boat tour afterwards and later in the evening went to Pickle's for dinner and more playtime at the cabin.

Thursday was our day to leave the cabin as we had to head to see D's grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousin on his Mom's side of the family.  It was another early day as we had to make another 4 hour drive to the Lake Michigan side of northern Michigan.  We got there around lunchtime and visited with everyone for a few hours before heading back to D's other grandparents house in Lansing that evening.  By staying in Lansing, it allowed for us to visit with D's grandparents again and see D's mom.

In Lansing on Friday, D got to visit his other favorite store, Horrock's Farmer Market and we met D's mom there.  After an hour of browsing and catching up with a few people D used to work with there, we went to lunch and headed back so Declan could take a much needed nap.  I worked for a few hours on my computer to get caught up while he slept and D went to visit with one of his best friends from growing up.

Saturday we made our way back home to Missouri.  While we wanted to stay longer, we knew we needed a day to recover before heading back to work on Monday.  The drive home was similar to the drive up.  We stopped a few times for potty breaks and lunch and got home around 6 pm.  It was a great week visiting with everyone and getting some time away but I was definitely ready to be back in my own bed and at my own house.  We're hoping to see everyone again at Christmas given that there are no other crazy surges with the pandemic.

Here is the photo dump from our trip:

Baby R #2 - Week 30

I'm 30 weeks along with baby Connor and we're doing well.  I feel huge but according to my doctor yesterday, I'm right on schedule and my belly is measuring exactly where it should be.  It's hard to believe that in 2 months, we'll be a family of four.  Declan talks non-stop about baby Connor and all of the things he is going to do with him as soon as he is out of mommy's belly.  

Some of stuff Declan has planned are (and my unspoken thoughts):

- playing Hot Wheels and racing cars down his new Hot Wheels track  (he may get to watch)

- having a birthday party together in the basement  (this may be possible since they will both have October birthdays)

- drinking juice boxes  (umm, not for at least 2 years)

- eating fruit snacks  (same as above)

- riding together in Declan's car seat, Declan says he will hold Connor  (umm, no way!)

- playing in Declan's big boy room  (maybe eventually)

- being in the same classroom and showing him the ropes at preschool  (probably not, since the kids are separated by age groups)

His innocence brings me so much joy and while baby Connor probably won't do much of anything Declan has planned, I love that he is already loving his baby brother so much and is looking forward to his arrival.

Declan also told us that he's planning on coming to the hospital and will have a slushie with Daddy to celebrate baby Connor being born.  We still don't know if we will be allowed visitors this go round but we've told Declan about when he was born and he was enthralled by the thought of having a blue or yellow slushie just like Daddy had when Declan was born.

A few weeks ago was #BumpDay -- a day to celebrate pregnancy and raise awareness and support that every mom gets the help she needs to deliver a healthy start in life for her baby.  It's celebrated on the 3rd Wednesday of July each year and in 2018, I was 28 weeks, 5 days pregnant with Declan.  This year I was 27 weeks, 5 days pregnant.  I decided it would be fun to wear the same outfit from 2018 and do a comparison pic.  I was so surprised that I really don't look much different in the belly. Elsewhere, I look and feel older, but belly-wise was pretty close

Besides Bump Day, we took Declan to pick blackberries a few weekends ago.  Even though it was extremely humid and hot, he had so much fun picking blackberries and putting them in his basket.  He even enjoyed a few snacks along the way.

He also was surprised with a Hot Wheels racetrack last weekend from his PaPa Tom and Grandma Kristin and has spent a good amount of time racing his cars and commentating on the races.  I think his new favorite phrases are now: "On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!" and "Bugatti Takes the Win!"  A few months back, he started really getting into cars.  D found YouTube videos of a guy racing Hot Wheel and Matchbox cars and Declan was hooked.  Part of his bedtime routine now is watching a race or two before going to sleep and he is absolutely fascinated with all cars now.  When we're driving or out walking, Declan points out various makes and models of cars and really has a great memory of cars.  He'll tell me from time to time that I need to buy a Bugatti or Lamborghini as my next car (he has extreme taste!) and I just have to laugh because I don't know many almost 3 year olds that even know what those cars are!

Other than that, we've just been at home and getting things ready for Connor's arrival.  This month, I'm starting to rewash baby clothes and supplies and getting them put away in Connor's room.  These next 10 weeks will surely fly by as fast as the past 30 have and I want to make sure we're ready for the big day!

Baby R #2 - Week 20

 I haven't posted much about baby #2 since our IVF/FET cycle, but here we are 20 weeks into pregnancy and we're moving right along.  I was pretty nauseous and really tired my entire first trimester, but thankfully that has all subsided.  I've been going to the doctor every 4 weeks since March and everything seems to be on track. At my March appointment, my doctor again recommended the genetic testing (same that I had with Declan) and we went forward with it. We got the results back and also found out the gender of our 2nd miracle -- we are having a BOY and estimated due date is 10/14/2021.

In early April, we surprised Declan with the news he was going to be a big brother and at first, he didn't have much to say about it.  Now, a few more months in, all he talks about is his baby brother.  In fact, he's talked so much about him, Declan's preschool finally asked me a few weeks ago if we were having another baby.  Declan also has named baby brother and we're on board with his decision.  Baby boy #2 will be named -- Connor.  Or as he has been affectionally calling him, Baby Connor.  He is absolutely thrilled now to be a big brother and can't wait for Connor to get here so he can play toys with him and teach him how to play hockey.  He also wants to go to the hospital and get a slushie -- the same thing Daddy did when Declan was born.  His innocence is the absolute sweetest!

Besides our family, who we told back around Easter, we have stayed pretty quiet. I finally told my bosses two weeks ago and they were super happy for us.  I told my team last week and they also were excited.  Since that time I've been telling more work people that we're expecting and really it's been more apparent these last few weeks as my belly is pretty noticeable now.

I didn't intend to wait so long but with a lot going on at work (more companies, more stress) and losing Kinny, I just needed time to get through some things.  I also wanted to figure out what exactly my plan was for maternity leave.  With Declan, I took 12 weeks off.  I didn't know if I could manage the 12 weeks again but wanted to come up with a plan for my bosses and team.  In typical Lindsay fashion, I'm more worried about everyone else than myself.

This Thursday, I had my 20 week anatomy scan and baby Connor is growing as expected and is perfect.  He weighs approximately 13 oz and its an active boy.  Throughout the scan he was moving all over and wasn't too happy with them trying to check all of his organs and appendages and made it clear with little punches in my belly, which we got to see in the scan.  He's an active boy and I've been feeling movement for a few weeks, again around Mother's Day, which was super special for me.

We're starting to get the nursery ready for Connor and also moving Declan to his "big boy" room.  I know Declan is going to be a great big brother and we're excited for the months ahead.

An excited Big Brother

Baby Connor

Goodbye Sweet Girl

 It's been an extremely rough week here at the Roberts household.  We had to say goodbye to our sweet girl Kinny on Monday and we've been a wreck.  It all started about 6 weeks ago when she started going downhill.  She had again been losing weight and seemed really lethargic.  We took her to the vet and they told us they thought she had chronic kidney failure.  It explained her drastic weight loss and her super high creatinine values.  We put her on a kidney diet in hopes of slowing down the progression but rather than eating, she avoided the kidney food.  

We took her back into the vet a week later and the suggested we have her admitted to the animal hospital to get her on fluids and work to lower her creatinine level.  Kinny spent 4 days in the animal hospital that week and they thought she was at a point where she could come home.  We had her home for a few days and she wasn't doing much better so we took her back to the animal hospital where she spent an entire week on fluids and slowing getting back to eating and drinking.

When we picked her up, they warned us of a few signs that may tell us she may not make it.  We kept a watch on it and were so upset that they couldn't find a cure for our girl.  I spent the night crying and just holding her.  She was and will always be my first baby and I couldn't imagine not having her by my side.  That night D had to go out of town for a week, which made it so much harder to deal with but Kinny, Declan and I made the best of it.  When I wasn't working, Kinny was by my side the entire time.  She cuddled with me when we went to bed at night and sat by me on the couch after we got Declan to bed.  She was struggling to walk, so I carried her everywhere with me.  During the day, I had my mom and Michael stop by and check on her because I didn't want her by herself for 10+ hours a day.  D came home on that Friday and picked up where I left of with the cuddles and spoiling her.

For the next two weeks, it seemed like Kinny was getting better.  She started eating and drinking and going to the litter box on her own and even started hopping up on the couch and jumping off of the bed.  We thought she was on the mend and felt a huge weight lifted off of us.  Then last Friday night/Saturday morning, she took a turn for the worse again.  Knowing she had pulled through before, we decided to wait a few days before taking her back to the vet.  On Monday morning, she wasn't getting any better so we made the decision to call her vet and see if they could get her in.  The vet told us that they had a full schedule so we decided to just take her to the animal hospital and see if they could help us.

I left work, picked up Kinny at home and we headed to the animal hospital. D followed us since he had to go get his second Covid vaccine but wanted to be there to support us and help me if we needed to make the difficult decision we were avoiding.  After about an hour of testing, the animal hospital confirmed our worst fear.  Kinny's creatinine value was at 12.5, which was over 6 times where it should have been and the other two kidney values were so high their testing system couldn't get a read on them. The ER doc told us they could try to bring them down but she'd probably spend the rest of her life hooked up to an IV to keep the fluids constantly running through her system and even with that, they weren't sure they would get them down.  We knew it was time.  There was no way I could let my sweet Kinny spend the rest of her life on an IV or in this state.  It was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life but I knew I had to make it.  Because of the pandemic, they only allow one person inside the hospital.  They brought her out to the car for last minute cuddles from D and I took her back in with me.  I held her and cuddled her to the very end and then spent another 10 minutes afterwards telling her how sorry I was for not being able to save her but I had hoped that I had done enough for her the 7 years she called us her family.

I had to go back to work afterwards and it was a waste of a day.  I couldn't think, talk and spent my afternoon sobbing in my office.  We had to tell Declan that night and that was another difficult talk. He doesn't quite know what's going on, but we told him Kinny had gone to heaven and would be looking over us.  Somedays he still asks where she's at or tells us she's at the hospital getting better.  It breaks my heart.  I know we were lucky to have 7 years with her and I know for at least 7 years of her almost 14 years of life, we were able to give her so much love.  She was and will always be our first "baby."  She went on vacation with us, she had a part in our wedding, she went with us on our honeymoon, she announced when we were expecting our first human baby, she was her brother's ultimate protector, and in the recent weeks, she laid on my belly like she knew we were expecting our second human baby.  I still get choked up knowing she's not here with us and even as I type this, I have tears in my eyes knowing she's not roaming around our house or sitting on my lap waiting for cuddles and kisses.

I know she is in a better place but I will always have a special place in my heart for my sweet girl.

Here are some of our favorite pics of our girl: