38th Birthday Recap

Yesterday was my 38th birthday.....38 whole years old.  I'm a middle-aged mom and I'm enjoying every minute of it!

Unlike last year, I didn't get to take my birthday off from work.  It was month-end and the deadline for getting documents to our auditing firm for our year-end review, so instead I opted to take off Tuesday for my birthday comp day. It actually worked out better since I needed Tuesday off for my FET anyway (sometimes things work out in my favor!).  It was a LONG day at work though with me going in a bunch of different directions trying to get everything done.  Finally at 5:30 after 10 hours in the office, I made my way out the door to enjoy a birthday dinner with my family.

We went to my mom and Michael's for a delicious steak dinner.  We picked up some steaks at Sam's Club last weekend since we knew going out to dinner would not be an option for us this year and mom cooked them up along with baked potatoes, cauliflower casserole, salad.  For dessert, we had a turtle cheesecake dip mix that she turned into a yummy pie.  Declan absolutely loves birthdays, no matter who's it is, and enjoyed helping me open my presents and blow out my candles.

After dinner, we started putting together the puzzle we ordered.  Over the last few weekends, we've really gotten into puzzles with Mom and Michael.  We finished the 2000 piece puzzle of Italy we had been working on and decided to start working on the 1500 piece puzzle of Las Vegas we picked up.  It's definitely been nice to have a hobby that doesn't involve our phones or the TV all the time.  We ended up working on it until 11 pm and got the border completed and by that time, my eyes were tired and I decided that I needed to get home and get to bed.

Overall it was a great day and I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way (well, maybe a bit less work would have been nice!).

Here are a few pics from my day --

Declan helping me blow out my candles.

This boy is such a ham and the best kid!

Dustin made me a collage on Facebook and Instagram and chose the most awesome pics!

And just for fun, a picture of our new puzzle.

Transfer Day 2021 - Day 19

Today is Transfer Day! 

Such an emotional day for so many reasons but I'm happy to report that we were able to transfer our one remaining embryo first thing this morning.  Similar to the morning of transfer day in 2018, I got up and did a 30 minute workout.  Rather than hitting the gym, I went downstairs and hopped on the Max Trainer. It was nice to be able to get some sort of activity as I was anxious and I hadn't actually been able to sleep very well.  I showered, D administered my progesterone injection and then we got Declan up for school and went along with our typical morning routine.

My appointment was scheduled for 8 am so we dropped Declan off, came home and gathered my meds and paperwork and headed off to the FP office.  Because of the pandemic and medical facilities being extra precautious, D couldn't go into the office with me but I did want to have him there for moral support so he sat in the hallway throughout the process.  I sat in the waiting room for about 10 minutes until they called me back to get changed and prepared for the transfer.  I was the 2nd transfer of the morning so my Fertility Coordinator went over the paperwork and told me to sit tight and continue to drink my water until the 1st transfer was complete.  I was nervous about my water consumption. The last transfer my bladder wasn't full enough by the time it was my turn and then it was too full, but I drank as much as I could and I was feeling really uncomfortable.  I said it the last time and I'll say it again, that is the possibly the worst part of this whole process.  I got used to the injections, transvaginal ultrasounds, and back in 2018 the egg retrieval but the feeling that your bladder is going to explode from so much liquid is insane.  Thankfully, when I got situated onto the table and my Coordinator checked my bladder, it was exactly where it needed to be. Whew, that's exactly the news I wanted to hear!

While she went to get the doctor for the transfer, the embryologist Michelle reviewed my name, birthday and confirmed we had one embryo to transfer.  She informed me that they did assisted hatching with the embryo before the transfer which could help with implantation. She then went to prepare the catheter while the doctor came in to complete his pre-transfer checklist and set the outer catheter for the implantation. And when that was all complete, we were ready for implantation!  I watched on the screen as the doc, set everything in place and implanted my lone embryo.  I sat on the table for another minute or two and the doctor again warmed up his hands, placed them on my abdomen and told me to be positive.  This whole process is such an exciting and emotional experience! I was in the Transfer room for about 0-15 minutes and then I was free to empty my bladder and get dressed. Once dressed my Coordinator told me that the next step is to wait these two weeks and see what happens.  I have two scheduled blood draws on February 9th and February 11th and from those we'll know if our family will be expanding.

I met D out in the hallway and we headed down to the car to spend the rest of the day together, trying to be positive but also realistic.  I had one request for our ride home.  We needed to stop at Chic-Fil-A for chicken biscuits.  It was our after transfer snack in 2018 and I wanted to keep with tradition.  We hardly ever go out and get breakfast and we hadn't had a chicken biscuit from Chic-Fil-A since our transfer in 2018.

Once home, D wanted to go to the gym and since the doctor told me to stay active today, I decided to go and walk on a treadmill for another 30 minutes.  Nothing strenuous but just something to keep myself moving.  This afternoon, we're going to try to tackle a few things around our house.  It's very rare we have a day off at home without having our schedules booked.  I wasn't able to take any time off of work around Christmas and the two days we had at Thanksgiving were filled with holiday preparations so today will be our day to just do some random stuff we've been meaning to do for months.  Ultimately we need to keep our minds going and just hope and pray for the best.

Here are a few pics from the morning:

My Transfer Day Selfie (pandemic style - that's my mask on my neck) --

Our sweet little embryo preparing for transfer --

Our transferred embryo (the dates on the ultrasound are from my patient file, the actual transfer date is 01/26/2021) -- 

Finally, I'm jotting this down here and quite possibly I've mentioned this before but I know some people will question why we decided to do this during the pandemic and I know I don't have to justify our decisions, but I'm going to explain why we decided to do this now rather than wait.  The biggest reason for moving forward now is due to my age.  I'm not getting any younger and if I want for this transfer to at least have some sort of shot with working, I knew it was now or never.  Never was not an option as we knew we would try to use whatever viable leftover embryos we had from 2018 when we completed our transfer in 2018.  After implanting 2 to have Declan, we had one remaining embryo of a decent grade.

Pregnancy is not easy on anyone but being of "advanced maternal age" or having what is considered a "geriatric pregnancy" is a risk in itself.  If I could go back and change the timeline of my life, maybe I wouldn't be pushing 38 and attempting to have a second child, but I tried to be responsible and it took me some time to find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and actually have a family with.  If people ask why didn't I wait to get the vaccine until we started this process and here is my answer for that -- I'm at the bottom of the list for the COVID vaccine, as I should be as I'm fairly healthy and even though I work in an essential industry, I can keep to myself in my office which not many people can say they can do.  Waiting for the vaccine, could have added another 6-9 months to this process for me and with age/time not on my side, we jumped at the chance to get on our Fertility office's calendar.  While I can't say I'm protected against COVID, I've tried to take as many precautions as I could to ensure we could go through this process.  Do I hate that my husband couldn't be at any of my fertility appointments and couldn't watch the transfer today?  Yes, but my hope is that if we do end up pregnant, we can have a somewhat normal labor and delivery in 40 or so weeks.

So there is my explanation and some people will choose to disagree with me but again I'd remind these people that they are not living in our shoes and they probably don't realize we gave this so much thought before even calling the FP office to set up the visit to talk about our options.

Anywho, I'll update again soon!

Declan's Favorite Phrases

 I wanted to jot this down before I forgot because it's just the cutest, so I figured why not create a whole post about Declan's Favorite Phrases right now.

At 27 months, this boy keeps us on our toes.  Somedays he's an absolute love bug and other days, he lives up to the name "terrible two." But one thing is for sure, he's the best little boy and I'm so lucky to be his mama. I haven't been around a whole lot of kids and besides my own son, the last two year old I was really around was Nicole and she's 24 now so it's been a few years and I've lost a few brain cells over the past 22 years, so I don't really remember all of the things a typical two year old knows and does. 

I know I'm partial to my son but he seems to be a smarty pants to me.  He has full on conversations with us and picks up on everything going on around him.  Sometimes I think he's going on 4 or 5 and not two and a half and I have his school and my family to thank for everything they do for him and helping us raise him.

Here is a list of his current phrases that he uses when talking to us and probably the funniest thing is that he uses them appropriately and at the right time in conversation:

- Let's do it!

- I love it! (mimicking the GMC holiday commercial and using it with everything he loves)

- That's right.

- Mommy, can I help you?

- No more treats ma'am! (Talking to Kinny who sits and patiently waits for treats at the pantry all day.)

- No way Jose!

- See you later alligator!

- You're my best friend. (randomly he will say this to me, Michael, my mom, etc.)

- Let's talk freighters (sounds a bit like taters but he loves talking boats and about the Soo Locks with Daddy)

- Can I put a tab in? (one of Declan's chores is putting a dishwasher tab in so we can start the dishwasher, he absolutely loves being a helper)

- I need a quarter for my piggy bank. (after said chores, Declan gets a quarter for his bank and he won't let you forget it.)

I'm sure there are more that I'm forgetting but these are the ones that either crack me up or melt my heart every time I hear them. He's a charmer and a bit of a class clown and definitely keeps us on our toes!

FET Update - Day 16

 We're 16 days into the FET process right now and this journey is as emotional as I remember it was 3 years ago.  I had my 2nd monitoring appointment on Tuesday morning and the doctor again checked my lining measurement and various hormone levels with a blood draw.  My lining again was where it needed to be given the amount of meds I've been on so they kept my steroid and estrogen dosages the same but added the progesterone injections starting on Wednesday.  Not having to do shots as much as before, I was a bit nervous to start them on Wednesday morning but D and I watched a YouTube video to refresh ourselves on the basics of giving the shots.  I remember when researching everything the last time that many women hated the shots saying they hurt or caused lumps or were hard to inject since the progesterone is in oil but so far, it's gone fairly well.  Even when we did the injections 3 years ago, I just kinda went with them -- they weren't horrible and I knew any discomfort would be worth it.  This time I feel the same way.  And, after giving birth to Declan nearly completely naturally (since my epidural didn't have time to work), these progesterone shots seem like they are a breeze.  At one time I used to be so afraid of needles I wouldn't even get a flu shot but now after IVF, pregnancy, childbirth, and FET, I just turn my head and let the doctor/nurse/phlebotomist/D do their thing.

When I left my appointment on Tuesday, my fertility coordinator told me that she'd text me by the end of the week and give me details on when to come into the office on Tuesday, the 26th for my transfer. I was bit anxious when I drove away because I like having my plan in place but I had faith in the process and went on to start my day at work.  Yesterday mid-day my coordinator sent me a text and told me to be at the office at 8 am on Tuesday morning in my loose clothing with my bottle of water and have a mostly full bladder.  So....transfer day is set!  I'm still not sure if D will be able to be in the room for the transfer and I failed to ask at my appointment but I'm hopeful that he can be there with me.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be going through an FET during a pandemic but with my 38th birthday in just 6 days, it's pretty much now or never for us.

I know I don't know what the future will bring but I'm staying positive and I know that whatever happens happened for a reason and I'm lucky to have the life I do with a family that I love.

Oh and before I end this post, I found this meme online and I had to laugh because it is so true!

A Holiday Update and So Much More

 Oh what a month we've had....we made it through the Christmas and New Years and have been trying to figure out what's in store for 2021.

Let's recap our Christmas first -- we again stayed home for Christmas and celebrated at our house. Christmas Eve we "Zoomed" with Dustin's family and made pizzas.  We opened the gifts we shipped to each other on our Zoom and made the best of our holiday apart.  We set out our cookies and milk for Santa and waited patiently for Christmas morning.  Christmas morning, my mom and Michael got to our house early so that they could see what Santa brought Declan.  We ate casseroles I prepared for breakfast and then opened our family gifts.  Overall it was a day where we just relaxed and played with our new toys.  Santa brought Declan a tent, garbage truck and a Mr. Potato Head.

We celebrated Christmas with my dad's side on the 26th and while we were hesitant to all get together for Thanksgiving, we decided to have a semi-outdoor socially distanced Christmas together in Aunt Kathy and Uncle Steve's heated garage.  We hadn't seen everyone since Declan's birthday back in October so it was good to get together. Declan has so much fun playing with Abigail and Henry and showed off just how smart he's gotten lately.

Christmas with my dad's side also allowed me to catch up with my sister-in-law. While Kahla and I don't get much of a chance to talk regularly, I cherish the times we do get the time to talk.  I trust her and know I'm lucky to have her as a confidant. We sat away from the rest of the fam and talked about the last few months, including how she was feeling after a COVID-19 diagnosis, how married life is going for both of us, and our fertility journeys. I also filled Kahla in on something I'd been holding onto for weeks....we went back to our fertility clinic to see about the options for using our remaining frozen embryo. 

Back on October 20th, we set up an appointment with the FP office to talk to the doctor.  The doctor and embryologist reviewed my chart and thought that if I wanted to use the embryo, I probably could.  They could not be sure that it would result in another child but if we wanted to implant it, we were free to do so.  The embryo has a quality of BB and with me being 34 when it was frozen, it may be of better quality that if the decided to retrieve additional eggs at 37. We made the decision to get on the list for the next open FET cycle, which happened to be January.

So we started the protocol in December with more birth control to get my cycle regulated and on January 8th, I started the fertility meds for the FET.  The thing that is different with the FET (frozen embryo transfer) compared to the egg retrieval and fresh transfer I went through back in January 2018 is that I don't have to do the stim shots as I did before. This time, I'm on a steroid (Prednisone) and two Estrogen hormones (pills and gels).  I had my first monitoring appointment this past Tuesday (01/12) and met with my fertility coordinator and the doctor. My ultrasound showed that my lining was where it needed to be and in the words of my doctor, my uterus is excellent.

I go back for a second monitoring this Tuesday (01/19) and start my progesterone oil shots and we're scheduled for the FET on Tuesday, January 26th.

Again, besides talking to Kahla about deciding to pursue the FET, we haven't said anything to anyone.  We're going to wait awhile to see how everything turns out and then tell our families about our journey. Personally, I am fine with whatever happens.  Just like when I went through this journey with Declan, I know everything is in God's plan.  I'm so grateful and lucky for my miracle son.

I'm hoping to be able to update more on the FET process over the next few weeks but it all depends on how much time and energy I actually have to do so. Life with a 2 year old and my full time job can be absolutely insane somedays and by the time I sit down, I'm usually asleep 5 minutes after that.