It's been a whirlwind ride

So it has been extremely crazy lately and things have gotten a little out of hand for me. All I can say is thank you to those who have understood and helped me through the mess known as my life. After my drunken stupor on Thursday night there was another little issue on Friday night but I'm happy to report that with the help of my wonderful guy Josh, I was able to realize that most of the stuff I say and do is because I care so much. And M, I'm sorry I acted like an idiot at first and I know you're sorry too for what was said and I'm glad that we were able to work through everything. You are my best friend and I would never do anything to jeopardize that, whether alcohol is involved or not.
The rest of the weekend I just kinda kicked back and didn't do anything, which was nice because I have been in overdrive for about 3 months now and I think that has caused a lot of the problems. It was so nice to take a Sunday and be able to read the newspaper and watch tv and cook a decent meal. I have finally started to see that having one day to just take it easy is not a bad thing. I don't have to constantly be on the go, something so simple, but difficult for me to understand sometimes.

Today I went back to the grindstone at work. I had a huge meeting on Friday afternoon with the President of the company, the Director of Operations, Controller and Billing Department regarding accounts receivables and billing and the status of each and I know that there is a lot of work to be done with that so I continued to plug along today with getting accounts up to date. J called from Laredo and surprised the heck out of me because when I answered the phone rather than saying, "Hey Lindsay, this is J," I hear "Hey Sugar, how's work going this morning?" I was a little confused at first but still excited to hear from him. He was inquiring if I had gotten a check from the account he was helping me collect. I promised him another batch of cookies when that account was cleared up and I'm sure he called just to make sure that I didn't forget about that. Of course I wouldn't forget! I'm just waiting until the day when I can finally say...thanks for letting me bug you for the last 2 months. My day turned out pretty well though and I was actually able to leave on time tonight, granted I did come in an hour early this morning, but hey, leaving at 5 is an accomplishment for me! Tomorrow is month end again...it seems to come around so fast and luckily this month I'm not struggling with getting 1099s taken care of as well.
Things are starting to look up and that's the biggest thing for me right now.

Note to Self......

Yeah, so I don't know what the heck happen tonight and I'm not sure if I really want to know, but just a few minutes ago I got a text message back from M. Apparently in my drunken stupor earlier tonight I sent her a text message and from what I can tell I could have gotten myself into some major trouble. I'm not sure if I actually did what I said I was going to do in the text message I sent to her or not...that's all a little fuzzy. But anyway, the reason why this is a note to self is for the simple fact that I have got to quit going to drinking right after work because it only leads to problems....and I'm sure that it lead to some tonight. I guess I'll find out in the morning what kind of damage I did when I get to work. J, if I happened to call you...I didn't mean whatever I said. :)

Right now, I'm going to bed because I feel like crap. I'll deal with everything else in the morning or tomorrow during the day since I have numerous meetings with the people I went out drinking with tonight. Oh geez...what did I get myself into???? So much for my quiet evening at home!

The Shock of My Life

I thought today was going to be a normal Sunday. I had made plans earlier in the week with Josh to meet for lunch and I was really looking forward to that because with the craziness of my job and the holidays and everything else we hadn't gotten a chance to see each other since mid-November (way too long...if I may say so!). So this morning, I got up...excited as anything and wanting to accomplish a million things before we met because I was full of energy, I baked a batch of cookies for him and tried to organize my apartment a bit and then got ready. We met at 1 pm and I ended up being the one that was late this time because I got lost on my way out to West County, but it was so nice to get to be able to spend time with him catching up and just having each other's company for awhile. I filled him on everything that has happened at work and all of my family issues and anything else I could think of that we hadn't had a chance to talk about. Then, he drops a bomb on me. I was a little confused at first because he didn't come right out and tell me what he was hoping to do. I'm sitting listening to him thinking the absolute worst, especially since he says, "I'm thinking about my future and making some changes to my life..." and just when I think he's going to completely break my heart for being such a bonehead and insensitive bitch the last few months he tells me that he's thinking about going to flight school and joining the National Guard. I don't know what was harder for me at the time, the thoughts running through my head or hearing that. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that Josh was in the Army before and my step-dad even retired from a military career, but with the state of things now, I can not say I'm fully happy with this decision and I'm sure the expression on my face let Josh know that. Of course, because he knows me so well anyway, he knew I wouldn't be thrilled with this idea and it also doesn't help that if he is accepted to this program, training is in Alabama. I'm wanting us to move closer together, not farther apart...I have had a heck of a time adjusting to the 2 hours & 125 miles between us, I don't know how I would deal with the 694.37 miles (yes, I mapquested it!). Nothing is set in stone yet and I'm glad I have some warning because this is a big deal for both of us...ok, more so for Josh, but still it does sort of involve me.
But, I will say this no matter how shocked I was and no matter what the look on my face implied, Josh, I support whatever you decide to do. Going into any branch of the military is an honorable thing to do and like you told me today, quoting JFK, "ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." If you think that flight school is the next step that you should take, then I will live with it and learn to adjust to you being somewhere else rather than St. Louis or Cape. You know you mean the world to me and I can't be selfish right now. The only good thing to come out if it would be to see you in that uniform again because you know how I feel about that! Although a picture of you in your Army uniform would suffice! :)

In any case, our lunch together this afternoon was great...we really need to do that more often. We finally got to exchange our Christmas presents today also. I got Guess' Sweet and Sassy perfume and body lotion gift set, which smells absolutely divine and I got Josh Armani's Acqua di Gio cologne and a Army Special Forces white gold pendant and necklace. I didn't even know that he was reconsidering the military when I bought the pendant months ago, but it just seemed to fit today. Hopefully he liked it, the cologne was a no brainer, especially since I love the way it smells and it's one of his favorites anyway.

Tomorrow it's back to the daily grind of trucking accounting. M and I are supposed to be moving into our new office tomorrow too which should be a trip. I've got a million things to get off my desk before we move so hopefully there is a plan as to when all of this is going to happen. Knowing how things have gone the past few months though...it will be another fiasco, but it will be nice for all of the accounting functions to work together in one area. See, we are making progress!

One Big Ramble

I'm finally starting to see what everyone has been saying to me for the last 3 months. Until the last few days, I thought most of my friends were crazy, but something just sort of clicked this afternoon. For those of you that don't know exactly what I'm rambling about, I'll explain...of course this is from my point of view and I'm sure everyone else is seeing this a little differently. About 3 months ago, I kind of had a change of heart about myself and my life and I decided that I needed to lighten up a bit and just be myself rather than try to fit into a mold of someone I wasn't. I didn't start out with anything drastic. I decided that I would slowly start to loosen up, while still being the responsible, mature person that everyone has known me to be. Small talk with my coworkers was the first step because besides M, I didn't really say much to anyone. J was the first person who really took to the small change in my behavior and he showed me that it was alright for me to have fun while not compromising everything I had worked so hard to become. By the time December rolled around and we threw the happy hour for J, I started feeling a little more comfortable around some of my other coworkers -- joking inside and out of work with all of these people I had grown to know over the last 4 months. The next week at the Christmas party (mostly because I was a little nervous to be going to a company function by myself), I decided that it wouldn't hurt to put myself out there a little bit and show some of the people higher up what I'm made of. By the end of that night and really the end of the week for that matter, I realized that my happiness was the one thing that I needed to start to consider.

Fast forward to mid-January, I decided that I'm only this age one time in my life and I needed to live each day to the fullest. I can't regret saying or doing something or not doing something for that matter. I can't let the what-ifs take over my life anymore and I need to act rather than react. When it came down to my work life, I decided to put together a proposal and take it to the president of the company to show him what exactly I have been working on the last few months. I finally found the rest of my courage and yesterday I presented it to him. He was stunned and really impressed. Stunned that I had put some much time into making sure that I had all of the facts organized and impressed that I went to all of the trouble that I did. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders after I met with him because it's something that I have been meaning on doing for awhile but I finally found the time and the confidence to do so. Well after that meeting I felt on top of the world and like I can accomplish anything. Today I was a completely different person...the person I have looked forward to becoming....a confident, smart and fun young woman.
Funny story with that though too. I had to email one of my other bosses (I know you have all heard about C -- let me refresh your memory if not, he's the other hot guy in our group besides J) about truck mileage for the month of January so I could finish up payroll numbers to pass on to someone else. Being in Laredo right now, I wasn't sure if he would be able to get them to me as soon as I needed them, but I still gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked that it be taken care of as soon as he had a free minute because it was important for the next step which has to be done by next Monday. About 30 minutes later, I get a reply to my email with all of the mileage numbers that I needed. I was so appreciative because it took a ton of work off of me because I plug these few numbers into a calculation and it gets the next piece of the puzzle going, so I emailed him back and was pleasant and said, "thanks...that helped tremendously! How's Laredo?" Just making small talk because we have missed him in the office this week and I got another response back: "It's warm and sunny and 70 degrees!! I heard you guys got snow -- Yuck!!" And becuase I was in such a giddy sort of mood and because I have this new outlook, I replied back. This continued on for about an hour...not constantly but in between what I was working on and what he was doing down at the terminal. I would have never thought that I would have gotten one response back...let alone the 5 or so that I did. I've now determined that it doesn't hurt to get out there and stir it up a bit...you might actually make someone' s day and make them feel more comfortable and at ease also. I know this seems a little strange, but because of the situation, which I really can't mention a whole lot about right now, this was a definite change.
From all of this rambling, I've come up with one conclusion...it's alright to put yourself out there and while you might think you look or sound stupid, it's ok -- a person is usually 10 times harder on themself than anyone else would be. I can't worry about what everyone else thinks and I need to just take care of me...even if it means looking like a complete doofus every now and then.

Finally, if I haven't confused everyone enough already, here's one more thing. M and I found out today that moving day is Monday. We're moving from our quiet, cute little office in the back of the suite to the big billing and accounting addition that was just opened 3 weeks ago. We're looking forward to the change, but we know it's going to be a big difference as well. No longer can we make our crazy comments back and forth about Laredo or dancing at Syberg's on J's birthday or doing our impressions of our favorite people in the office. I have a feeling that we're going to be a bad influence on the two new people in billing. We'll see how next week goes, but they might be asking us to move back into our quaint little office at the end of the hall!

I'll keep you updated!
By the way, Happy Birthday M! The party of the year is Friday night after work to celebrate!