Goodbye Sweet Girl

 It's been an extremely rough week here at the Roberts household.  We had to say goodbye to our sweet girl Kinny on Monday and we've been a wreck.  It all started about 6 weeks ago when she started going downhill.  She had again been losing weight and seemed really lethargic.  We took her to the vet and they told us they thought she had chronic kidney failure.  It explained her drastic weight loss and her super high creatinine values.  We put her on a kidney diet in hopes of slowing down the progression but rather than eating, she avoided the kidney food.  

We took her back into the vet a week later and the suggested we have her admitted to the animal hospital to get her on fluids and work to lower her creatinine level.  Kinny spent 4 days in the animal hospital that week and they thought she was at a point where she could come home.  We had her home for a few days and she wasn't doing much better so we took her back to the animal hospital where she spent an entire week on fluids and slowing getting back to eating and drinking.

When we picked her up, they warned us of a few signs that may tell us she may not make it.  We kept a watch on it and were so upset that they couldn't find a cure for our girl.  I spent the night crying and just holding her.  She was and will always be my first baby and I couldn't imagine not having her by my side.  That night D had to go out of town for a week, which made it so much harder to deal with but Kinny, Declan and I made the best of it.  When I wasn't working, Kinny was by my side the entire time.  She cuddled with me when we went to bed at night and sat by me on the couch after we got Declan to bed.  She was struggling to walk, so I carried her everywhere with me.  During the day, I had my mom and Michael stop by and check on her because I didn't want her by herself for 10+ hours a day.  D came home on that Friday and picked up where I left of with the cuddles and spoiling her.

For the next two weeks, it seemed like Kinny was getting better.  She started eating and drinking and going to the litter box on her own and even started hopping up on the couch and jumping off of the bed.  We thought she was on the mend and felt a huge weight lifted off of us.  Then last Friday night/Saturday morning, she took a turn for the worse again.  Knowing she had pulled through before, we decided to wait a few days before taking her back to the vet.  On Monday morning, she wasn't getting any better so we made the decision to call her vet and see if they could get her in.  The vet told us that they had a full schedule so we decided to just take her to the animal hospital and see if they could help us.

I left work, picked up Kinny at home and we headed to the animal hospital. D followed us since he had to go get his second Covid vaccine but wanted to be there to support us and help me if we needed to make the difficult decision we were avoiding.  After about an hour of testing, the animal hospital confirmed our worst fear.  Kinny's creatinine value was at 12.5, which was over 6 times where it should have been and the other two kidney values were so high their testing system couldn't get a read on them. The ER doc told us they could try to bring them down but she'd probably spend the rest of her life hooked up to an IV to keep the fluids constantly running through her system and even with that, they weren't sure they would get them down.  We knew it was time.  There was no way I could let my sweet Kinny spend the rest of her life on an IV or in this state.  It was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life but I knew I had to make it.  Because of the pandemic, they only allow one person inside the hospital.  They brought her out to the car for last minute cuddles from D and I took her back in with me.  I held her and cuddled her to the very end and then spent another 10 minutes afterwards telling her how sorry I was for not being able to save her but I had hoped that I had done enough for her the 7 years she called us her family.

I had to go back to work afterwards and it was a waste of a day.  I couldn't think, talk and spent my afternoon sobbing in my office.  We had to tell Declan that night and that was another difficult talk. He doesn't quite know what's going on, but we told him Kinny had gone to heaven and would be looking over us.  Somedays he still asks where she's at or tells us she's at the hospital getting better.  It breaks my heart.  I know we were lucky to have 7 years with her and I know for at least 7 years of her almost 14 years of life, we were able to give her so much love.  She was and will always be our first "baby."  She went on vacation with us, she had a part in our wedding, she went with us on our honeymoon, she announced when we were expecting our first human baby, she was her brother's ultimate protector, and in the recent weeks, she laid on my belly like she knew we were expecting our second human baby.  I still get choked up knowing she's not here with us and even as I type this, I have tears in my eyes knowing she's not roaming around our house or sitting on my lap waiting for cuddles and kisses.

I know she is in a better place but I will always have a special place in my heart for my sweet girl.

Here are some of our favorite pics of our girl:

Time to Dust Off the Blog

One whole post in 2019, what a slacker I am.  Actually, I'm just a tired mama with a lot on her plate, but I can say, we're all thriving.  My baby boy is growing by the minute and is the best little guy. At 15.5 months, he's walking and always on the go and giving mama a run for her money all the time.

So let's see....I'll try to give the Cliff Notes version of the last 8 months.

After Mother's Day, Declan went to his first Cardinals baseball game and we celebrated the Blues winning the Stanley Cup and attended the Championship Parade as a family on Father's Day weekend.  My brother also got married in June so there was an abundance of excitement throughout the month.

In August, Dustin and I celebrated our 4th Wedding Anniversary while on our family vacation to the Upper Peninsula. Declan got to experience the Soo Locks for the first time and see the Point Iroquois Lighthouse.

In September, we went apple picking and started planning Declan's 1st Birthday Party.  It was the first and maybe only time I tried to be the "Pinterest Mom."  We planned a St. Louis Blues Stanley Cup Championship party and it was a huge success!  We invited our immediate family and planned it for a day the Blues had a game so everyone could wear their Blues gear.  It was really symbolic for us to have this party for 2 reasons -- 1) I went into labor opening night of the 2018-2019 season and 2) the Blues won the Stanley Cup for the first time ever.  For me, it had an extra special meaning. Declan is such a special boy and he is definitely loved by everyone!

Declan officially finished taking bottles at his first birthday too.  It's was so hard to believe that this little guy was considered a toddler and we transitioned to food and regular milk 100% of the time.

Later in October, Declan celebrated Halloween with Kinny.  Both went as pumpkins and they were the cutest pumpkins around. It was a brutally cold night so he and Dustin only visited a few of our closer neighbors but he also got to go to a Trunk or Treat at my work earlier in the month so he didn't totally miss out on the Halloween experience.

In November, we celebrated Thanksgiving.  Declan has the cutest Thanksgiving Feast at school one afternoon and Dustin and I were lucky enough to attend with him.  Also, as his shirt suggests, he was all about the pie!  :)  Dustin took Declan Black Friday shopping as I had to work and they had a lot of fun hanging out.  Dustin even splurged for breakfast before shopping and that probably was Declan's favorite part of the day.

December brought the first snow of the season along with the holidays and a lot of travel for us.  We visited everyone in Michigan and also had multiple Christmases here at home.  Declan also met Santa at Breakfast with Santa at his school and we're happy to say he did not cry when meeting the jolly old man.

At the end of December, I officially lost my baby to the toddler years when Declan got his first haircut and let's just say there were a lot of tears from both Declan and mommy. Declan didn't want to sit in the chair and get his hair cut and mommy saw her baby grow up in a blink of an eye.

So far the New Year has been unbelievably busy for us.  I'm in my extremely busy time at work so juggling parenting, home life and work has been a whirlwind. We're surviving but we're taking advantage of a few minutes of downtime when we can.

I celebrated my 10 year anniversary at work (prior service and current service) last week and was celebrated by our Owner and VPs.  It was nice to hear their comments about my role in the Company.  I went to dinner at a REALLY fancy restaurant with them and our Director of Operations that evening and was given some promising news about my future. I hope I can continue to impress them and be successful in my position while trying to be the best mom and wife I can be.

That Cliff Notes version actually was pretty long!  As I continue to juggle what life throws as me, I hope to be able to update more regularly, but I won't make any promises so I'll just say...until next time!

Almost six weeks!!!

I completely missed out on a 4 weeks/one month post but we've had a lot going on and I've spent no time near a computer over the last few weeks. Who knew such a little person could keep me on my toes nearly 24 hours a day?!?
In any case, we're all doing well and I'm happy to report that Kinny is finally starting to become more comfortable around her brother. I think she realizes now he's not a toy and he's here to stay. She's become more protective around him and every so often will let me know when he needs something by finding me and meowing quite loudly until I stop what I'm doing to go check on him. She also sits by him intently when he's playing on his play mat each day.

Speaking of the play mat, this is Declan's absolute favorite toy right now. He loves the lights and music and has a blast swinging his arms and kicking his legs. Our days are spent with quite a bit of time on the mat, along with listening to other tunes and reading.
We've not ventured out a whole lot due to the ugly cold weather we've experienced along with the fact that we're heading into flu season but we did take a trip to visit daycare centers and to PetSmart to shop for Kinny and also doctor's appointments for both Declan and Mommy. After contacting multiple daycare and learning centers for availability we finally registered Declan at a great facility. He won't start until I go back to work in January but I'm glad we've got him locked in. I had no idea it would be so difficult to find a spot for him. Our area is so populated that out of the 10 places we contacted only 2 had spots in January. One place even told me they wouldn't have any openings until November 2019! With that I just laughed....I guess I should have checked into daycare centers before I was even pregnant!
Declan had his one month checkup and is growing like crazy!
His one month stats:
Weight - 8 lbs 14.6 oz (22%)
Length - 22.75 inches (94%)
Head circumference - 36.75 cm (32%)

I went to the doctor for my postpartum checkup and have healed since childbirth. I've been cleared to get back to my regular workouts (yes!) and the doctor even suggested I have the occasional beer in order to help my milk production. Crazy that I need to drink in order to breastfeed but I've struggled with my milk production and beer seems to help increase it. I'm still hoping I am able to get my supply up before I head back to work. I'm also working diligently to get off the last 11 lbs I gained while pregnant.

Speaking more about the weather, we've had a strange fall so far. We've had a couple of small snows this November and today takes the cake. We have about 6 inches on the ground as I type this with more coming. It's enough snow that Daddy took a "snow day" and is working from home in his office. While Declan isn't old enough to appreciate a snow day, we're going to take a few pics inside with the snow behind him later on to note the occasion. He does look adorably cute in his hat and mittens!

Other than that, we're getting ready for Thanksgiving and decorating the house for Christmas. I'm so excited to share the holidays with our sweet bundle of joy!

Baby R -- week 38 update and our quarantined Kinny

In less than 2 weeks we will be meeting our little boy!  It is so hard to believe that one year ago we were trying to figure out what we were going to do when we found out from the fertility doc that I had very few follicles and ultimately was diagnosed with Diminished Ovarian Reserve.  I still am pinching myself with how lucky I've been throughout these 9 months and I'm so glad we made the decision to pursue IVF even if it was a scary thought at first.

So what's been up the last two weeks....
Kinny had her Radiocat Iodine I-131 treatment and came through like a champ. She's been quarantined in our guest bedroom and we've had very little interaction with her. It's been hard but I know that it is best and she's on the road to recovery. We'll take her back to the vet on Thursday to have a 2 week Geiger check and then she'll have to see her regular vet in 2 more weeks for T4 bloodwork and renal panels.  She's been eating and taking her meds and overall seems to be back to normal. *fingers crossed*

As for baby Declan, I had my 37 week appointment on Wednesday, September 19th and we had an ultrasound scheduled along with my normal prenatal appointment to check on his weight and stats. Having gone through IVF and being of Advanced Maternal Age, my doctor wanted to make sure everything was on track. The ultrasound went well as did the Biophysical profile. Declan's estimated weight was 6 lbs 2 ounces and he was mostly on track for all of his measurements.
I was only scheduled to have the ultrasound at noon and then was supposed to come back at 5 pm for my actual prenatal appointment but the doctor was able to fit me in before I had to head back to work.  Everything seemed fine with the ultrasound and the appointment but after I left, the doctor reviewed all of the results and saw Declan's heartbeat all over the place from the multiple times they checked it and as I was on my way back to work, she called and ordered me to go to the hospital for a Non-Stress test to ensure the baby wasn't in distress. Let me tell you, that was one of the scariest calls I've endured. I turned my car around and headed to the hospital where they hooked me up to monitor the baby's heartbeat for 30 minutes. Thankfully Declan's heartbeat settled and was as perfect as it could be according to the L&D nurse taking care of me. Turns out that my lack of eating most likely caused the erratic heartbeats. Work was absolutely insane that day and I missed out on my morning snack and then had to leave for the doctor at lunchtime so I hadn't eaten since 6:30 in the morning. I learned my lesson and I've been making sure that no matter how busy it is, I need to take the time to eat my snacks and lunch on time so that we do not have any problems these last few weeks.  It also helps that the Ultrasound tech was able to change my remaining ultrasounds to 4:30 pm rather than at lunchtime.

On Friday, September 21st, D's office threw him a surprise baby shower in the office and I was lucky enough to get to join in on the surprise.  We got so many great gifts from all of his co-workers and they had a cute cupcake cake for us. D was definitely surprised! It was so hard keeping the secret from him because I tell him everything but I am super happy I was able be there for the celebration and not ruin it for him!

This week I had my 38 week appointment and had another ultrasound and prenatal appointment. D was able to go with me this week and see Declan on the ultrasound. My doctor also scheduled my induction date -- October 10th at 6 pm. My doctor expects that I'll come in and get prepped and I'll most likely be in labor for most of the 11th. While I'm a bit anxious about labor and delivery, I'm more worried about taking care of my little boy once we bring him home. In the hospital we will have a crew of nurses helping us and when we get home, we'll have to get acclimated to a newborn and figuring out a schedule that works for all of us.

This past week I also turned in my final work schedule to my boss. My official last day will be the 10th at noon and I'll return on January 3rd. I'm hoping to have everything set at work so that I can take off with little to no issue and enjoy every minute with Declan and Kinny.  Work has been so crazy that I don't know what to expect but I can only hope for the best.

I have one more ultrasound and prenatal appointment scheduled for this upcoming week before the big day!  Hopefully we'll have everything ready in time for D day!

Baby R -- week 36 update and Kinny update

Here we are at week 36!! Our little guy is the size of a large cantaloupe and is approximately 19-22 inches in length and weighing in at 6 lbs. I am still in disbelief how quickly this pregnancy has gone. It seems like not so long ago I was taking my stim shots and hoping for a positive outcome and now we're down to 26 days until my due date.
I had my weekly doctor's appointment on Wednesday night after work. As soon as I got to the doctor's office, I was told my doc had to head to a delivery at the hospital and that there would be about a 45 minute delay. I didn't have a problem waiting so I just sat down and waiting for D who was on his way. About 15 minutes into the wait, the nurses came back to tell us it would be about an hour until the doctor would be back to the office. Again, I had no problem waiting. It was much easier for me to wait than to try to reschedule around work. So I sat there on my phone and talking to the other women waiting to see the doctor while D came home to feed Kinny and check on her. D got back just in time for my appointment and in we went to see the the doc. At this appointment I had my group B strep screening. The doctor also checked to see if I was dilated and checked on the baby's position. Thankfully Declan is head down and surprisingly I am 1 cm dilated and my cervix is thinner than what the doctor expected for a first time mom.  Both were good signs and the doctor thinks this will help my labor and delivery. *fingers crossed*
Next week, I'm scheduled to have an ultrasound before my appointment. It will be the first ultrasound since late June and I can't wait to see Declan's growth and all of features now that we're nearing the end of pregnancy.  I'm convinced Declan will look like Dustin when he's born.

This past week we also had a visit for Kinny to determine the game plan for her hyperthyroidism. I called the specialty vet office and they told me that the treatment she needed wasn't something that they did and I needed to call the only vet in St. Louis that offers the Radiocat Iodine I-131 treatment. Luckily, this specialty clinic is close to my office and we were able to get an appointment on Friday morning.  Yesterday morning we went in for our consultation with the doctor.  The doctor reviewed Kinny's medical history and checked her out and feels she's a good candidate for the Radiocat Iodine I-131 treatment.  We've set up the treatment for this Tuesday and she will be in isolation at the clinic until Thursday because she'll have a high level of radioactivity due to the treatment. I hate that she will be in isolation and even worse for me when she gets home because she will have to be isolated away from me in our guest bedroom for 2 weeks since I'm pregnant. D will be in charge of taking care of Kinny exclusively for the next 2 weeks and can have limited time with her while the rest of the radioactivity declines. I'm sure this will be harder on me than on Kinny but I just hate that I won't be able to cuddle with her and the fact that she won't be able to leave the guest room when she usually has free reign of our whole house. I am a nervous wreck but I want my girl to be healthy! We're staying positive and are hopeful that this will help our sweet Kinny girl!