Looking Back

The other day, I decided to go back through the early days of my blog, just to reminice a bit. While I didn't read all of my old posts, I did find a post from 2009 that was interesting.  Apparently I took some quiz "Which Mad-Men Era Female Icon Are You?"  and got Marilyn Monroe as my personality type. It was pretty accurate back in 2009 for me but looking back on it now as a mom and I have to say, it still is so true.

So here are those results and my comments looking back 12 years, a husband and two kids later.

You are a Marilyn - I am affectionate and skeptical.

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

* Be direct and clear  (this is so true as a wife now -- I can't read minds, even though I do try to think ahead and take care of all of the needs of my family, I now realize communication is key)

* Listen to me carefully (even more true as a wife and mom now and in a house full of boys, I'm usually only partially heard)

* Don't judge me for my anxiety (I'm even more anxious now than I was 12 years ago unfortunately)

* Work things through with me

* Reassure me that everything is OK between us

* Laugh and make jokes with me (I could use more of this these days. It's what drew me to my husband but sometimes this gets pushed aside due to all of the seriousness in the world nowadays. This will continue to be a goal for me in the future.)

* Gently push me toward new experiences

* Try not to overreact to my overreacting. (something D & I always have to work on in our marriage)

What I Like About Being a Marilyn

* being committed and faithful to family and friends

* being responsible and hardworking (I pride myself on this all day, every day)

* being compassionate toward others

* having intellect and wit (YES!!!)

* being a nonconformist

* confronting danger bravely

* being direct and assertive (I've found my voice in 12 years and probably am more direct now than ever before and am not scared to use my voice)

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn

* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind (my life in a nutshell)

* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself

* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of

* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger (as a mom, this is my constant fear these days)

* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right (AMEN!)

* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations (YEP!!!  And my expectations are to always be super woman)

Marilyns as Children Often

* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn (I'd like to think I'm dependable, but I'm also a bit sarcastic and stubborn at times or according to D, all of the time.)

* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger (I think as I've aged, these are my main personality attributes)

* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent

* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel

* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents

* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty (I always want to be known as the best mom ever)

* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence

* worry more than most that their children will get hurt (I'd wrap my boys in bubble-wrap if I could)

* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

I shared this with D last night. It was quite eye-opening for him as I didn't know him when I took the quiz all those years ago but he agreed, most of what he read was me to a tee. I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Mid-October Check In

The last two weeks have passed in a blur but we're surviving our new life as a family of four.  I feel like I'm in a constant state of tired but I can't blame that on anyone but myself. With only being nearly 3 weeks postpartum, I feel the need to keep myself busy doing something with my time off and so much so that yesterday I finally hit a wall.  Yesterday I ended up spending most of my day napping on the couch with Connor and pretty much forgetting anything I needed to do. It felt nice just getting to cuddle with my newborn but I did feel guilty last night that I let everything else go.  (Typical Lindsay feelings.) I guess I more than made up for it today as I did a few loads of laundry, packed up Declan's summer clothes, got treat bags ready for Halloween and took care of my Connor boy.

Last week, Connor had a weight check at the pediatrician on Monday and he was above his birth weight (woohoo!), so we got to forgo his 2 week check up on Thursday. He's eating like a champ, taking bottles and occasionally nursing and keeping to a pretty consistent feeding schedule. He's starting sleeping a bit more at night as well and I've not had to set my alarm to wake him every 2 hours in order to eat.  He'll wake every 3-4 hours on his own and then go back to sleep fairly easily.

Last Thursday, Declan had his 3 year old checkup at the pediatrician and his first dentist appointment. He's doing well growth-wise and had an excellent first visit with the dentist. I was unsure if he would let the hygienist actually clean his teeth but he had no problems with that or the x-rays she took.  He also let the dentist check out his teeth and his overall bite without any issue and he got an application of fluoride.  We celebrated by having "old McDonald's" for lunch with Daddy and Nana.

On Saturday, we had a visit from my Dad, Ryan, Kahla, Henry and Abby. Everyone got to meet Connor and Declan had so much fun playing with his cousins. We celebrated my Dad's birthday while they were here with dinner from Pickleman's and bundtinis from Nothing Bundt Cakes and we got to catch the Blues game on tv.

This week we're getting ready for Halloween. Declan has a Halloween party at school on Friday and we have to carve our pumpkin later in the week so we're ready for the weekend. Declan is going to be a fire truck and Connor will just be in a cute Halloween outfit picked out by his big brother. We're still playing it pretty safe with trick-or-treating this year and plan to put a table out in our driveway with treat bags similar to last year.  D will still take Declan around in the neighborhood but I'll just stay inside with Connor or far away from everyone if the weather is decent and we can be outside.  One thing I do know is that Declan is super excited. Halloween is his absolute favorite holiday and I know he's going to have so much fun!

Connor is HERE!!!

As expected last Thursday, I headed into the hospital for my scheduled induction and a mere 6 and a half hours later, we were the proud parents of Connor Rhys!

Everyone had been on pins and needles the week leading up to my induction. My mom planned a birth lottery with friends and family to estimate Connor's due date, people at work kept asking how I was feeling or if I was having contractions and I was just trying to get through my last few days in the office and wrap things up so I could leave work at work for awhile. I knew I wouldn't go into labor early. Based upon my doctor's appointments and where Connor was, I was confident I'd be going to the hospital for my scheduled induction. I know I had that thought with Declan but this time my induction was scheduled for a week earlier and I hadn't had any signs of labor that made me believe otherwise.

Sure enough, I made it to Thursday morning and we headed to the hospital at 5:30 am for my 6 am induction. I was nervous as I had no idea what to expect but the hospital staff was awesome and put me at ease from the time I got up to the Family Birthplace and got settled in my birthing suite. By 6:30 am, I was settled in bed, they started my IV of Pitocin and ran through a battery of questions for my chart. To start, I was already 3 centimeters dilated and 50-80% effaced (depending on who checked) and the doctor's instructions were to up the Pitocin every 30 minutes until I started laboring on my own. Come to find out, I was having contractions every 4-7 minutes but really couldn't feel them at all.  It was a good sign though and we were well on our way.

After my epidural failed with Declan's birth, I was adamant I would get it in enough time this time to ensure I was somewhat comfortable through delivery with Connor. The nurses were extremely supportive and made sure to get the anesthesiologist scheduled and the epidural in place before they broke my water. Around 9-9:30 am, I got my epidural and shortly thereafter the house doctor came in and broke my water.  I still wasn't very far along, only about 4 centimeters but at least I would be comfortable throughout the remainder of my labor and delivery. It was really weird getting the epidural, my legs were tingly and heavy but I wasn't completely numb. It did the trick though and I didn't feel pain. Around 10:45 am, I had progressed to 6 centimeters and besides feeling some pressure in my pelvis, I was doing ok.  At 11:30 am, I had made it to 10 centimeters and was fully effaced and my nurse made the call to my doctor so we could begin delivery. My doctor arrived a little after 12 pm and started her prep for Connor's delivery, my mom and Dustin got into place along with the delivery team and with 3 strong pushes, Connor arrived at 12:32 pm, weighing 7 lbs 0 ozs and 20.5 inches long.  He was absolutely precious and I couldn't believe that I was actually able to birth my second son.  They laid him on my chest and I didn't ever want to let go of him. Along with skin to skin, I was able to start nursing him and thankfully he took to it like a champ.

In the late afternoon, we were moved out of the birthing suite to a different recovery room because there were so many other women scheduled for inductions or just due to have babies and they needed to make sure the rooms were ready to go. We spent the rest of the day adjusting to life with a newborn and then catching up with family letting them know Connor had arrived.  We FaceTimed with Declan after preschool and he was so excited to see his brother even though Connor slept through the entire introduction.

On Friday, Connor had his 25 hour assessment and I had a checkup with my doctor.  Both went well and because we had no complications we were released from the hospital around 5:30 pm and headed home to start our life as a family of 4. Declan met Connor in person for the first time and you could see the pure joy in his face seeing his little brother. He was concerned with why Connor wasn't talking to him but we explained that he was just a newborn and mostly slept and occasionally cried. Declan showed Connor his Hot Wheels and then wanted to hold him.  My heart was filled with so much joy!

Yesterday we took Connor to the pediatrician for his first checkup. He's down a bit in weigh which is expected and has the slightest bit of jaundice but other than that is doing well.  We go back on Wednesday morning for another weight check. I'm attempting nursing with Connor with the occasional formula supplement. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself this time and know that a fed baby is more important than anything else.  

Overall I know, I have two of the most perfect boys and I'm the luckiest mom in the world.

Declan is THREE!!!

Declan turned 3 one week ago today.  It's beyond hard to believe that my first born is now a 3 year old and a big brother.

Because Declan's birthday fell on a weekday and we were so close to Connor's arrival, we decided to postpone a big birthday party and just celebrate Tuesday night with my mom and Michael and us. We woke Declan up Tuesday morning excited for his birthday and made it a point to make it all about him.  He said the most precious thing when we went to get him up though....he asked if baby Connor would be here for his birthday.  It was the absolute sweetest and while I knew we still had a few more days for baby Connor's arrival, I told him Connor would celebrate Declan's birthday in my belly. Declan went to school on Tuesday and we sent treats to celebrate with his class.  After school, we let him decide what he wanted to eat for dinner and had a mini party.  

It is so funny when it comes to asking a 3 year old what he wants for dinner.  The weekend before we started prepping him asking him what sounded good for his birthday meal.  He would say, "I don't know" or "french fries and tator tots" or "Old McDonald's".  We couldn't get a straight answer out of him and it was constantly changing.  We figured we'd ask again after school on Tuesday to see what his final decision was.  I picked Declan up after school and told him we had to figure out dinner so he could have his birthday cake for dessert.  His final request for birthday dinner was teriyaki chicken from Panda Express.  It's hilarious because there wasn't one point in the week/weekend before that he even mentioned Panda but we know he loves it and it was one of the very first restaurants we took him too once he started eating table food so it ended up being the perfect birthday meal for him.

After dinner with Nana, Papa and us, we sang Happy Birthday and enjoyed the orange cake Declan and Nana baked for his birthday and Declan opened his birthday gifts. Declan is currently obsessed with Hot Wheels and got plenty of them for his new car case and track. He also got kinetic sand, wooden blocks, books, coloring books, a spelling and numbers game, an LED writing board and from "boring mom and dad," new fall clothes.

I created the collage below for Declan's birthday and I had so many emotions when going through the photos. It is still so hard to believe that Declan is three and no longer a baby.  The time has passed so fast and I adore all of the memories we've created with him so far and can't wait to see what else the future holds for my sweet boy.

Declan excited for us to sing Happy Birthday to him!

Declan showing off some of his many Hot Wheels cars. He's so smart, he looked at each car and then told us the make and model. He amazes me every day with the things he knows!

Overall he had a great birthday and we're working on a time to celebrate with the rest of our family in the upcoming weeks.

38 Weeks and we have a Preschooler!

Declan officially became a preschooler this week!  He had a great week in his new class and was reunited with his buddy from his old class, Elliot, who moved up a few months ago.  From everything I heard from the teachers and other staff, Declan had no issues jumping right in and wasn't the least bit uncomfortable with the move.  (So different from his mom who worries and has a hard time with change!)

Here are a few pics of his week:

He worked on letters, numbers, shapes and cutting and did an awesome job with each of the projects they worked on.  I'm in awe at his vocabulary and each day he surprises me with new words and phrases he knows. It is still so unbelievable to me that my baby boy is so grown up and that in a few short days he'll be 3 and soon after that a big brother.

Speaking of being a big brother, next week is the big week.  I had my 38 week checkup yesterday and everything is on track.  It was my last checkup before my induction next week.  Connor passed his last biophysical profile and my cervical check revealed I'm 2.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced.  He's happily hanging out and I really haven't felt contractions that have prompted me to think I'm heading into labor anytime soon. I did decide to take a bump pic again...only my second for this pregnancy.  I've never really been one to track my bump each week, but with knowing this is my last pregnancy, I wanted one more pic to document this journey.

 It's been a whirlwind 9 months, but really it's been a wild 4 years starting this IVF endeavor. I remember feeling so down after meeting with the fertility doc back in September 2017, feeling so excited learning I was pregnant with Declan in February 2018, feeling nervous about trying again in January 2021 and then being excited again learning my last frozen embryo became a successful pregnancy with baby Connor.  The best way to summarize the IVF journey is that sometimes the struggles make us stronger.