UP Vacation 2021

 In early July, we were fortunate enough to finally get to take a family vacation.  Last year, we took time off but stayed home due to the pandemic.  This year, we wanted to do something but knowing we're still in the midst of a pandemic, we decided to still have a low key vacation but spend it at D's family cabin in the Upper Peninsula in Michigan.  This also allowed for us to visit with D's family who we hadn't seen in over a year in a half.  So the first week of July, we headed out on our road trip.  From our house, the cabin is 12-13 hours away.  We knew with Declan we wouldn't be able to make it that far in the car in one day, so we decided to drive 8 hours to D's grandparents' house in Lansing and spend the night with them and then finish our trip up north on day two.  It gave us time to visit with D's grandparents too.

We started out early on a Friday morning and Declan did great in the car.  He was so excited to go to Michigan and see everyone.  We only had to make a few potty stops and a stop for lunch and we made it to Lansing just in time for dinner.  Saturday morning he woke up at the crack of dawn and wanted to go to the cabin, so we set out fairly early again after breakfast for our remaining 5 hour drive.  We got to the cabin early afternoon and Declan got to see his PaPa Tom and Grandma Kristin as they were going to be at the cabin a few days also.  Declan was so excited to see the cabin and the bay and just be out in nature.

When we planned this trip, because we hadn't seen D's family in so long, we made it a point to try to see everyone and planned to have D's dad at the cabin for a few days, then D's sister and her family and then travel to see D's mom and her side of the family.  Logistically, this was the best plan for us as we can't get to Michigan very often due to our work schedules, the time it takes to drive there and this year, saving some vacation time for maternity/paternity this year.

On the drive to the cabin after we crossed the Mackinac Bridge, we decided to stop at Castle Rock and climb the 200 steps to the top to see over the Upper Peninsula.  It was breathtaking and Declan didn't want to leave, but we wanted to get to the cabin.  We had a low-key Saturday once we got to the cabin.  After two days of a lot of driving, we stayed in and unpacked and just relaxed.  Sunday was Fourth of July and the town put on a parade, so we decided to take Declan to that.  He loved watching the cars, fire trucks, and people and had a blast picking up candy that the people on the floats handed out.  After the parade, we headed back to the cabin where D's dad had the boat ready to take D and Declan to "the Point" to rock hunt.  Rocks are another one of Declan's favorite things, so he was in heaven finding rocks in the bay and getting to bring them back in his bucket.  Afterwards we had dinner and sat by the bonfire, but it still had been a long few days for us and with Declan trying to forgo naps to enjoy all of his cabin time, we went to bed early and missed the fireworks for the Fourth.

On Monday, we decided to take a trip into Sault Ste Marie.  D has always loved going to the Soo Locks and wanted to share his love of freighters and the Locks with Declan.  We parked and walked around and got to see a few freighters by the Locks.  Apparently there was an electrical issue that needed to be fixed before any of the freighters could go through, so there was a line of freighters docked waiting for the issue to be resolved.  We knew we had a few more days to visit the Sault, so we decided to head to Meijer.  If you know my husband at all, you know no trip to Michigan is complete without stopping into Meijer at least once (and probably a few more times after that).  Meijer is one of his favorite stores -- the aisles are so big; they have the best products; it's so clean -- are a few of his compliments, so we went into the Meijer in the Soo and picked up nearly everything he needed and/or wanted.  Afterwards, we headed back to have dinner with D's dad and step-mom at the Cozy Inn before they left to head back home.

Tuesday we headed went to the Point Iroquois Lighthouse, checked out Lake Superior up close and went back to the Sault to visit the Soo Locks again and walk down Portage Ave.  We stopped into the many shops along Portage Ave to look for souvenirs and find Declan a toy freighter.  We had lunch at Karl's Cuisine and watched freighters from their rooftop.  D's sister was making the trip up to the cabin that evening so we headed back to the cabin to get ready for her family's arrival.

Wednesday, Declan woke up to his cousins being at the cabin and he had so much fun seeing them and playing with them.  We also decided that we'd take a Soo Locks boat tour that afternoon after nixing our idea to go to Mackinac Island due to the poor weather that was expected there.  We all got ready and decided before the Soo Locks Boat Tour, we'd have lunch together at The Wicked Sister.  The kids all sat together and it was like they had been best friends for years, coloring on their placemats and just talking up a storm.  We went on the Soo Locks boat tour afterwards and later in the evening went to Pickle's for dinner and more playtime at the cabin.

Thursday was our day to leave the cabin as we had to head to see D's grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousin on his Mom's side of the family.  It was another early day as we had to make another 4 hour drive to the Lake Michigan side of northern Michigan.  We got there around lunchtime and visited with everyone for a few hours before heading back to D's other grandparents house in Lansing that evening.  By staying in Lansing, it allowed for us to visit with D's grandparents again and see D's mom.

In Lansing on Friday, D got to visit his other favorite store, Horrock's Farmer Market and we met D's mom there.  After an hour of browsing and catching up with a few people D used to work with there, we went to lunch and headed back so Declan could take a much needed nap.  I worked for a few hours on my computer to get caught up while he slept and D went to visit with one of his best friends from growing up.

Saturday we made our way back home to Missouri.  While we wanted to stay longer, we knew we needed a day to recover before heading back to work on Monday.  The drive home was similar to the drive up.  We stopped a few times for potty breaks and lunch and got home around 6 pm.  It was a great week visiting with everyone and getting some time away but I was definitely ready to be back in my own bed and at my own house.  We're hoping to see everyone again at Christmas given that there are no other crazy surges with the pandemic.

Here is the photo dump from our trip:

Baby R #2 - Week 30

I'm 30 weeks along with baby Connor and we're doing well.  I feel huge but according to my doctor yesterday, I'm right on schedule and my belly is measuring exactly where it should be.  It's hard to believe that in 2 months, we'll be a family of four.  Declan talks non-stop about baby Connor and all of the things he is going to do with him as soon as he is out of mommy's belly.  

Some of stuff Declan has planned are (and my unspoken thoughts):

- playing Hot Wheels and racing cars down his new Hot Wheels track  (he may get to watch)

- having a birthday party together in the basement  (this may be possible since they will both have October birthdays)

- drinking juice boxes  (umm, not for at least 2 years)

- eating fruit snacks  (same as above)

- riding together in Declan's car seat, Declan says he will hold Connor  (umm, no way!)

- playing in Declan's big boy room  (maybe eventually)

- being in the same classroom and showing him the ropes at preschool  (probably not, since the kids are separated by age groups)

His innocence brings me so much joy and while baby Connor probably won't do much of anything Declan has planned, I love that he is already loving his baby brother so much and is looking forward to his arrival.

Declan also told us that he's planning on coming to the hospital and will have a slushie with Daddy to celebrate baby Connor being born.  We still don't know if we will be allowed visitors this go round but we've told Declan about when he was born and he was enthralled by the thought of having a blue or yellow slushie just like Daddy had when Declan was born.

A few weeks ago was #BumpDay -- a day to celebrate pregnancy and raise awareness and support that every mom gets the help she needs to deliver a healthy start in life for her baby.  It's celebrated on the 3rd Wednesday of July each year and in 2018, I was 28 weeks, 5 days pregnant with Declan.  This year I was 27 weeks, 5 days pregnant.  I decided it would be fun to wear the same outfit from 2018 and do a comparison pic.  I was so surprised that I really don't look much different in the belly. Elsewhere, I look and feel older, but belly-wise was pretty close

Besides Bump Day, we took Declan to pick blackberries a few weekends ago.  Even though it was extremely humid and hot, he had so much fun picking blackberries and putting them in his basket.  He even enjoyed a few snacks along the way.

He also was surprised with a Hot Wheels racetrack last weekend from his PaPa Tom and Grandma Kristin and has spent a good amount of time racing his cars and commentating on the races.  I think his new favorite phrases are now: "On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!" and "Bugatti Takes the Win!"  A few months back, he started really getting into cars.  D found YouTube videos of a guy racing Hot Wheel and Matchbox cars and Declan was hooked.  Part of his bedtime routine now is watching a race or two before going to sleep and he is absolutely fascinated with all cars now.  When we're driving or out walking, Declan points out various makes and models of cars and really has a great memory of cars.  He'll tell me from time to time that I need to buy a Bugatti or Lamborghini as my next car (he has extreme taste!) and I just have to laugh because I don't know many almost 3 year olds that even know what those cars are!

Other than that, we've just been at home and getting things ready for Connor's arrival.  This month, I'm starting to rewash baby clothes and supplies and getting them put away in Connor's room.  These next 10 weeks will surely fly by as fast as the past 30 have and I want to make sure we're ready for the big day!

Baby R #2 - Week 20

 I haven't posted much about baby #2 since our IVF/FET cycle, but here we are 20 weeks into pregnancy and we're moving right along.  I was pretty nauseous and really tired my entire first trimester, but thankfully that has all subsided.  I've been going to the doctor every 4 weeks since March and everything seems to be on track. At my March appointment, my doctor again recommended the genetic testing (same that I had with Declan) and we went forward with it. We got the results back and also found out the gender of our 2nd miracle -- we are having a BOY and estimated due date is 10/14/2021.

In early April, we surprised Declan with the news he was going to be a big brother and at first, he didn't have much to say about it.  Now, a few more months in, all he talks about is his baby brother.  In fact, he's talked so much about him, Declan's preschool finally asked me a few weeks ago if we were having another baby.  Declan also has named baby brother and we're on board with his decision.  Baby boy #2 will be named -- Connor.  Or as he has been affectionally calling him, Baby Connor.  He is absolutely thrilled now to be a big brother and can't wait for Connor to get here so he can play toys with him and teach him how to play hockey.  He also wants to go to the hospital and get a slushie -- the same thing Daddy did when Declan was born.  His innocence is the absolute sweetest!

Besides our family, who we told back around Easter, we have stayed pretty quiet. I finally told my bosses two weeks ago and they were super happy for us.  I told my team last week and they also were excited.  Since that time I've been telling more work people that we're expecting and really it's been more apparent these last few weeks as my belly is pretty noticeable now.

I didn't intend to wait so long but with a lot going on at work (more companies, more stress) and losing Kinny, I just needed time to get through some things.  I also wanted to figure out what exactly my plan was for maternity leave.  With Declan, I took 12 weeks off.  I didn't know if I could manage the 12 weeks again but wanted to come up with a plan for my bosses and team.  In typical Lindsay fashion, I'm more worried about everyone else than myself.

This Thursday, I had my 20 week anatomy scan and baby Connor is growing as expected and is perfect.  He weighs approximately 13 oz and its an active boy.  Throughout the scan he was moving all over and wasn't too happy with them trying to check all of his organs and appendages and made it clear with little punches in my belly, which we got to see in the scan.  He's an active boy and I've been feeling movement for a few weeks, again around Mother's Day, which was super special for me.

We're starting to get the nursery ready for Connor and also moving Declan to his "big boy" room.  I know Declan is going to be a great big brother and we're excited for the months ahead.

An excited Big Brother

Baby Connor

Goodbye Sweet Girl

 It's been an extremely rough week here at the Roberts household.  We had to say goodbye to our sweet girl Kinny on Monday and we've been a wreck.  It all started about 6 weeks ago when she started going downhill.  She had again been losing weight and seemed really lethargic.  We took her to the vet and they told us they thought she had chronic kidney failure.  It explained her drastic weight loss and her super high creatinine values.  We put her on a kidney diet in hopes of slowing down the progression but rather than eating, she avoided the kidney food.  

We took her back into the vet a week later and the suggested we have her admitted to the animal hospital to get her on fluids and work to lower her creatinine level.  Kinny spent 4 days in the animal hospital that week and they thought she was at a point where she could come home.  We had her home for a few days and she wasn't doing much better so we took her back to the animal hospital where she spent an entire week on fluids and slowing getting back to eating and drinking.

When we picked her up, they warned us of a few signs that may tell us she may not make it.  We kept a watch on it and were so upset that they couldn't find a cure for our girl.  I spent the night crying and just holding her.  She was and will always be my first baby and I couldn't imagine not having her by my side.  That night D had to go out of town for a week, which made it so much harder to deal with but Kinny, Declan and I made the best of it.  When I wasn't working, Kinny was by my side the entire time.  She cuddled with me when we went to bed at night and sat by me on the couch after we got Declan to bed.  She was struggling to walk, so I carried her everywhere with me.  During the day, I had my mom and Michael stop by and check on her because I didn't want her by herself for 10+ hours a day.  D came home on that Friday and picked up where I left of with the cuddles and spoiling her.

For the next two weeks, it seemed like Kinny was getting better.  She started eating and drinking and going to the litter box on her own and even started hopping up on the couch and jumping off of the bed.  We thought she was on the mend and felt a huge weight lifted off of us.  Then last Friday night/Saturday morning, she took a turn for the worse again.  Knowing she had pulled through before, we decided to wait a few days before taking her back to the vet.  On Monday morning, she wasn't getting any better so we made the decision to call her vet and see if they could get her in.  The vet told us that they had a full schedule so we decided to just take her to the animal hospital and see if they could help us.

I left work, picked up Kinny at home and we headed to the animal hospital. D followed us since he had to go get his second Covid vaccine but wanted to be there to support us and help me if we needed to make the difficult decision we were avoiding.  After about an hour of testing, the animal hospital confirmed our worst fear.  Kinny's creatinine value was at 12.5, which was over 6 times where it should have been and the other two kidney values were so high their testing system couldn't get a read on them. The ER doc told us they could try to bring them down but she'd probably spend the rest of her life hooked up to an IV to keep the fluids constantly running through her system and even with that, they weren't sure they would get them down.  We knew it was time.  There was no way I could let my sweet Kinny spend the rest of her life on an IV or in this state.  It was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life but I knew I had to make it.  Because of the pandemic, they only allow one person inside the hospital.  They brought her out to the car for last minute cuddles from D and I took her back in with me.  I held her and cuddled her to the very end and then spent another 10 minutes afterwards telling her how sorry I was for not being able to save her but I had hoped that I had done enough for her the 7 years she called us her family.

I had to go back to work afterwards and it was a waste of a day.  I couldn't think, talk and spent my afternoon sobbing in my office.  We had to tell Declan that night and that was another difficult talk. He doesn't quite know what's going on, but we told him Kinny had gone to heaven and would be looking over us.  Somedays he still asks where she's at or tells us she's at the hospital getting better.  It breaks my heart.  I know we were lucky to have 7 years with her and I know for at least 7 years of her almost 14 years of life, we were able to give her so much love.  She was and will always be our first "baby."  She went on vacation with us, she had a part in our wedding, she went with us on our honeymoon, she announced when we were expecting our first human baby, she was her brother's ultimate protector, and in the recent weeks, she laid on my belly like she knew we were expecting our second human baby.  I still get choked up knowing she's not here with us and even as I type this, I have tears in my eyes knowing she's not roaming around our house or sitting on my lap waiting for cuddles and kisses.

I know she is in a better place but I will always have a special place in my heart for my sweet girl.

Here are some of our favorite pics of our girl:

Oh Snow!

 What a week it has been!  If I didn't have to see snow or drive in it for the rest of my life, I think I'd be fine.  People that say they need the 4 seasons...pssssh...I'm over the snow and cold.  Declan and D may disagree though, Declan had an absolute blast playing in the snow a few weeks ago and asked to go out again.  Unfortunately with the extreme temps this week we had to keep him inside for this round.

Really though the weather this week wrecked havoc on our schedule.  We knew we were getting it Sunday into Monday, which was fine.  Declan was off of school for President's Day and my mom and Michael offered to keep him on Monday so he spent the night Sunday night so they all wouldn't have to get up super early on Monday.  I opted to work from home on Monday after a long debate with myself.  There was only a few inches at 7 am (when I leave), but we were expected to have 6 - 8 inches by the time it was all done.  I was nervous about driving home in that mess later that afternoon, so I took advantage of having a laptop and set up shop at home at my new desk. I knew if the rest of my team made it in, I'd probably have to send them home early so I hyper-focused on everything to make sure I could cover it and keep my department running.  At lunchtime, D and I tried to get a head start and went outside to shovel our driveway. By that time we had about 3 or 4 inches and with the two of us, it only took about 20 minutes. It continued to fall and as we headed back inside, it didn't look like we had even touched it.  Knowing how bad the weather was getting, we let the team at work go around 1 pm so they could get home safely.

Around 5 pm, I got a text from Declan's preschool telling me that due to the extreme cold and snow.  I hadn't checked outside since lunch so I decided to take a peak. We had another 3 or so inches covering our driveway again. I called my mom and asked if she wanted to keep Declan for Tuesday and that was a no brainer.  Declan was having so much fun at Nana and Papa's and could care less about coming home. (Warms a mother's heart for sure.) D and I went back outside around 6 pm and tried to shovel again and again, once we were finished, there still was a light coating from the continued snow fall.  Afterwards, with another kid-free night, we decided to work on our puzzle currently occupying our kitchen table. (We are an exciting couple!)

I was supposed to go to the Fertility Clinic on Tuesday for my first OB appointment but with the weather and still treacherous roads, they rescheduled my appointment to Thursday at lunchtime.  On one hand I was happy to not to have to try to drive to the doctor's office and on the other hand, I just wanted to see the progress of my embryo, but I completely understood and knew it was worth the wait.

I did drive to work the rest of the week.  Tuesday I waited until it was light out and it took me about an hour driving D's car.  I wanted to turn around about 5 times during that drive, but by 8:30 am I made it to the office.  Wednesday was a bit better and by Thursday, I was in good shape and glad I had moved my OB appointment to lunchtime that day.

My appointment went well on Thursday.  I had my first transvaginal sonogram where they took measurements of our embryo.  After reviewing my hCG numbers, the doctor wondered if I was having twins, but upon investigation he only saw one sac and yolk so we're having another singleton.  Everything looked good though.  I was told to stay on my regime of Prednisone, Estrogen (pills and gel) and Progesterone oil. I have to go back weekly for checkups until about week 9. And right before I left, my doctor gave me my due date.  As expected, my due date is 10/14/21 -- 3 days after Declan's due date.  I told the doc about how close that is to Declan's birthday and original due date and his response -- well at least it's not Christmas!  So true doc, so true. I go back next Thursday at lunchtime for my second appointment and another update.

With this crazy weather, this past week at work was a bit of an anomaly for me and our entire company. The snow hit nearly our entire service area and caused an interruption of service for most of our trucks. Texas doesn't know how to handle this sort of winter weather at all and a lot of our trucks couldn't move due to the snow and ice and customers were closed so no deliveries could be made. While it was nice to have a bit of a break after what has been pure bedlam since the pandemic started, it was eerie as well being able to get caught up on some things I've just not had a chance to look at in months. I'm hoping to have some sort of happy medium at least for a few weeks before things get crazy again (*wishful thinking*).

This weekend is more of the same for us with staying in.  The snow has left (at least it's not falling - we still have a ton on the ground) and now we're going to see rain on Sunday.  Puzzles, magnets and Declan creating artwork are two of our go to activities right now.  He's also taken up a liking to watching Saved by the Bell and The Pioneer Woman so I'm sure we'll spend time re-watching episodes of both of those as well.

Hope everyone enjoys the weekend!

Oh and since I didn't update or post these with our last snow -- here is Declan loving the first snow of the year back in January:

Two Week Wait Results

We made it through the two week wait from my FET and we received some positive news!  

Based upon my levels on Tuesday when I had my first blood test, I am pregnant.  I went back on Thursday to check my levels again and my hCG continue to rise so here we are expecting our second child.  It is still extremely early so we aren't saying anything to anyone just yet but it is exciting none the less.  I have my first checkup with my Fertility doc on Tuesday and this is where he we determine how things are going and set a due date.  Since my transfer was on January 26th, I'm expecting my due date to be set at October 14th.  This is 3 days after Declan's due date since his IVF transfer was 3 days before this one in 2018. 

My only concern if we are successful with this pregnancy, is possibly having kids with the same or super close birthdays.  I know whatever is going to happen will happen, but I'd hate for them to share a birthday.  Since this process isn't an easy one and I'm so very blessed to have one (and now two) miracles, I'd like for their birthdays to be uniquely their own, but really beggars can't be choosers can they?  We will work with whatever life throws at us.

We haven't mentioned anything to Declan yet and probably will wait for a few more weeks because he is at that age where he will tell anything he knows and while we're not ready to tell our families just yet, he may spill the beans for us before we're ready.  I am thinking about cute ways to tell him and then have him tell our families.

Speaking of Declan, he's had a fun week at school preparing for Valentine's day.  We got his treat bags and Valentines ready early in the week along with a box of chocolates for his teacher.  He was so excited to bring his gifts to his class and asked each day if it was time for his party.  He had spirit week and there was a theme for each day which he loved as well.  He's growing and talking by leaps and bounds and I couldn't love this boy more than I already do.  He brings so much joy to me and really he kept me from getting into my head too much over the last few weeks.  Our nighttime cuddles and singing Brown Bear and the ABCs to him before bedtime are two of the little things I cherish right now.  He's growing up so fast!

Here are a few pics of Declan's week:

My smiley boy enjoying "Sports Day" at school

Passing out Valentine's Treats for his friends.

I saved this for the caption. He has the sweetest heart!

So excited to open his Valentine's Box from GG and G-pa Roberts!

Enjoying a cookie pizza for National Pizza Day!

38th Birthday Recap

Yesterday was my 38th birthday.....38 whole years old.  I'm a middle-aged mom and I'm enjoying every minute of it!

Unlike last year, I didn't get to take my birthday off from work.  It was month-end and the deadline for getting documents to our auditing firm for our year-end review, so instead I opted to take off Tuesday for my birthday comp day. It actually worked out better since I needed Tuesday off for my FET anyway (sometimes things work out in my favor!).  It was a LONG day at work though with me going in a bunch of different directions trying to get everything done.  Finally at 5:30 after 10 hours in the office, I made my way out the door to enjoy a birthday dinner with my family.

We went to my mom and Michael's for a delicious steak dinner.  We picked up some steaks at Sam's Club last weekend since we knew going out to dinner would not be an option for us this year and mom cooked them up along with baked potatoes, cauliflower casserole, salad.  For dessert, we had a turtle cheesecake dip mix that she turned into a yummy pie.  Declan absolutely loves birthdays, no matter who's it is, and enjoyed helping me open my presents and blow out my candles.

After dinner, we started putting together the puzzle we ordered.  Over the last few weekends, we've really gotten into puzzles with Mom and Michael.  We finished the 2000 piece puzzle of Italy we had been working on and decided to start working on the 1500 piece puzzle of Las Vegas we picked up.  It's definitely been nice to have a hobby that doesn't involve our phones or the TV all the time.  We ended up working on it until 11 pm and got the border completed and by that time, my eyes were tired and I decided that I needed to get home and get to bed.

Overall it was a great day and I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way (well, maybe a bit less work would have been nice!).

Here are a few pics from my day --

Declan helping me blow out my candles.

This boy is such a ham and the best kid!

Dustin made me a collage on Facebook and Instagram and chose the most awesome pics!

And just for fun, a picture of our new puzzle.

Transfer Day 2021 - Day 19

Today is Transfer Day! 

Such an emotional day for so many reasons but I'm happy to report that we were able to transfer our one remaining embryo first thing this morning.  Similar to the morning of transfer day in 2018, I got up and did a 30 minute workout.  Rather than hitting the gym, I went downstairs and hopped on the Max Trainer. It was nice to be able to get some sort of activity as I was anxious and I hadn't actually been able to sleep very well.  I showered, D administered my progesterone injection and then we got Declan up for school and went along with our typical morning routine.

My appointment was scheduled for 8 am so we dropped Declan off, came home and gathered my meds and paperwork and headed off to the FP office.  Because of the pandemic and medical facilities being extra precautious, D couldn't go into the office with me but I did want to have him there for moral support so he sat in the hallway throughout the process.  I sat in the waiting room for about 10 minutes until they called me back to get changed and prepared for the transfer.  I was the 2nd transfer of the morning so my Fertility Coordinator went over the paperwork and told me to sit tight and continue to drink my water until the 1st transfer was complete.  I was nervous about my water consumption. The last transfer my bladder wasn't full enough by the time it was my turn and then it was too full, but I drank as much as I could and I was feeling really uncomfortable.  I said it the last time and I'll say it again, that is the possibly the worst part of this whole process.  I got used to the injections, transvaginal ultrasounds, and back in 2018 the egg retrieval but the feeling that your bladder is going to explode from so much liquid is insane.  Thankfully, when I got situated onto the table and my Coordinator checked my bladder, it was exactly where it needed to be. Whew, that's exactly the news I wanted to hear!

While she went to get the doctor for the transfer, the embryologist Michelle reviewed my name, birthday and confirmed we had one embryo to transfer.  She informed me that they did assisted hatching with the embryo before the transfer which could help with implantation. She then went to prepare the catheter while the doctor came in to complete his pre-transfer checklist and set the outer catheter for the implantation. And when that was all complete, we were ready for implantation!  I watched on the screen as the doc, set everything in place and implanted my lone embryo.  I sat on the table for another minute or two and the doctor again warmed up his hands, placed them on my abdomen and told me to be positive.  This whole process is such an exciting and emotional experience! I was in the Transfer room for about 0-15 minutes and then I was free to empty my bladder and get dressed. Once dressed my Coordinator told me that the next step is to wait these two weeks and see what happens.  I have two scheduled blood draws on February 9th and February 11th and from those we'll know if our family will be expanding.

I met D out in the hallway and we headed down to the car to spend the rest of the day together, trying to be positive but also realistic.  I had one request for our ride home.  We needed to stop at Chic-Fil-A for chicken biscuits.  It was our after transfer snack in 2018 and I wanted to keep with tradition.  We hardly ever go out and get breakfast and we hadn't had a chicken biscuit from Chic-Fil-A since our transfer in 2018.

Once home, D wanted to go to the gym and since the doctor told me to stay active today, I decided to go and walk on a treadmill for another 30 minutes.  Nothing strenuous but just something to keep myself moving.  This afternoon, we're going to try to tackle a few things around our house.  It's very rare we have a day off at home without having our schedules booked.  I wasn't able to take any time off of work around Christmas and the two days we had at Thanksgiving were filled with holiday preparations so today will be our day to just do some random stuff we've been meaning to do for months.  Ultimately we need to keep our minds going and just hope and pray for the best.

Here are a few pics from the morning:

My Transfer Day Selfie (pandemic style - that's my mask on my neck) --

Our sweet little embryo preparing for transfer --

Our transferred embryo (the dates on the ultrasound are from my patient file, the actual transfer date is 01/26/2021) -- 

Finally, I'm jotting this down here and quite possibly I've mentioned this before but I know some people will question why we decided to do this during the pandemic and I know I don't have to justify our decisions, but I'm going to explain why we decided to do this now rather than wait.  The biggest reason for moving forward now is due to my age.  I'm not getting any younger and if I want for this transfer to at least have some sort of shot with working, I knew it was now or never.  Never was not an option as we knew we would try to use whatever viable leftover embryos we had from 2018 when we completed our transfer in 2018.  After implanting 2 to have Declan, we had one remaining embryo of a decent grade.

Pregnancy is not easy on anyone but being of "advanced maternal age" or having what is considered a "geriatric pregnancy" is a risk in itself.  If I could go back and change the timeline of my life, maybe I wouldn't be pushing 38 and attempting to have a second child, but I tried to be responsible and it took me some time to find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and actually have a family with.  If people ask why didn't I wait to get the vaccine until we started this process and here is my answer for that -- I'm at the bottom of the list for the COVID vaccine, as I should be as I'm fairly healthy and even though I work in an essential industry, I can keep to myself in my office which not many people can say they can do.  Waiting for the vaccine, could have added another 6-9 months to this process for me and with age/time not on my side, we jumped at the chance to get on our Fertility office's calendar.  While I can't say I'm protected against COVID, I've tried to take as many precautions as I could to ensure we could go through this process.  Do I hate that my husband couldn't be at any of my fertility appointments and couldn't watch the transfer today?  Yes, but my hope is that if we do end up pregnant, we can have a somewhat normal labor and delivery in 40 or so weeks.

So there is my explanation and some people will choose to disagree with me but again I'd remind these people that they are not living in our shoes and they probably don't realize we gave this so much thought before even calling the FP office to set up the visit to talk about our options.

Anywho, I'll update again soon!

Declan's Favorite Phrases

 I wanted to jot this down before I forgot because it's just the cutest, so I figured why not create a whole post about Declan's Favorite Phrases right now.

At 27 months, this boy keeps us on our toes.  Somedays he's an absolute love bug and other days, he lives up to the name "terrible two." But one thing is for sure, he's the best little boy and I'm so lucky to be his mama. I haven't been around a whole lot of kids and besides my own son, the last two year old I was really around was Nicole and she's 24 now so it's been a few years and I've lost a few brain cells over the past 22 years, so I don't really remember all of the things a typical two year old knows and does. 

I know I'm partial to my son but he seems to be a smarty pants to me.  He has full on conversations with us and picks up on everything going on around him.  Sometimes I think he's going on 4 or 5 and not two and a half and I have his school and my family to thank for everything they do for him and helping us raise him.

Here is a list of his current phrases that he uses when talking to us and probably the funniest thing is that he uses them appropriately and at the right time in conversation:

- Let's do it!

- I love it! (mimicking the GMC holiday commercial and using it with everything he loves)

- That's right.

- Mommy, can I help you?

- No more treats ma'am! (Talking to Kinny who sits and patiently waits for treats at the pantry all day.)

- No way Jose!

- See you later alligator!

- You're my best friend. (randomly he will say this to me, Michael, my mom, etc.)

- Let's talk freighters (sounds a bit like taters but he loves talking boats and about the Soo Locks with Daddy)

- Can I put a tab in? (one of Declan's chores is putting a dishwasher tab in so we can start the dishwasher, he absolutely loves being a helper)

- I need a quarter for my piggy bank. (after said chores, Declan gets a quarter for his bank and he won't let you forget it.)

I'm sure there are more that I'm forgetting but these are the ones that either crack me up or melt my heart every time I hear them. He's a charmer and a bit of a class clown and definitely keeps us on our toes!

FET Update - Day 16

 We're 16 days into the FET process right now and this journey is as emotional as I remember it was 3 years ago.  I had my 2nd monitoring appointment on Tuesday morning and the doctor again checked my lining measurement and various hormone levels with a blood draw.  My lining again was where it needed to be given the amount of meds I've been on so they kept my steroid and estrogen dosages the same but added the progesterone injections starting on Wednesday.  Not having to do shots as much as before, I was a bit nervous to start them on Wednesday morning but D and I watched a YouTube video to refresh ourselves on the basics of giving the shots.  I remember when researching everything the last time that many women hated the shots saying they hurt or caused lumps or were hard to inject since the progesterone is in oil but so far, it's gone fairly well.  Even when we did the injections 3 years ago, I just kinda went with them -- they weren't horrible and I knew any discomfort would be worth it.  This time I feel the same way.  And, after giving birth to Declan nearly completely naturally (since my epidural didn't have time to work), these progesterone shots seem like they are a breeze.  At one time I used to be so afraid of needles I wouldn't even get a flu shot but now after IVF, pregnancy, childbirth, and FET, I just turn my head and let the doctor/nurse/phlebotomist/D do their thing.

When I left my appointment on Tuesday, my fertility coordinator told me that she'd text me by the end of the week and give me details on when to come into the office on Tuesday, the 26th for my transfer. I was bit anxious when I drove away because I like having my plan in place but I had faith in the process and went on to start my day at work.  Yesterday mid-day my coordinator sent me a text and told me to be at the office at 8 am on Tuesday morning in my loose clothing with my bottle of water and have a mostly full bladder.  So....transfer day is set!  I'm still not sure if D will be able to be in the room for the transfer and I failed to ask at my appointment but I'm hopeful that he can be there with me.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be going through an FET during a pandemic but with my 38th birthday in just 6 days, it's pretty much now or never for us.

I know I don't know what the future will bring but I'm staying positive and I know that whatever happens happened for a reason and I'm lucky to have the life I do with a family that I love.

Oh and before I end this post, I found this meme online and I had to laugh because it is so true!

A Holiday Update and So Much More

 Oh what a month we've had....we made it through the Christmas and New Years and have been trying to figure out what's in store for 2021.

Let's recap our Christmas first -- we again stayed home for Christmas and celebrated at our house. Christmas Eve we "Zoomed" with Dustin's family and made pizzas.  We opened the gifts we shipped to each other on our Zoom and made the best of our holiday apart.  We set out our cookies and milk for Santa and waited patiently for Christmas morning.  Christmas morning, my mom and Michael got to our house early so that they could see what Santa brought Declan.  We ate casseroles I prepared for breakfast and then opened our family gifts.  Overall it was a day where we just relaxed and played with our new toys.  Santa brought Declan a tent, garbage truck and a Mr. Potato Head.

We celebrated Christmas with my dad's side on the 26th and while we were hesitant to all get together for Thanksgiving, we decided to have a semi-outdoor socially distanced Christmas together in Aunt Kathy and Uncle Steve's heated garage.  We hadn't seen everyone since Declan's birthday back in October so it was good to get together. Declan has so much fun playing with Abigail and Henry and showed off just how smart he's gotten lately.

Christmas with my dad's side also allowed me to catch up with my sister-in-law. While Kahla and I don't get much of a chance to talk regularly, I cherish the times we do get the time to talk.  I trust her and know I'm lucky to have her as a confidant. We sat away from the rest of the fam and talked about the last few months, including how she was feeling after a COVID-19 diagnosis, how married life is going for both of us, and our fertility journeys. I also filled Kahla in on something I'd been holding onto for weeks....we went back to our fertility clinic to see about the options for using our remaining frozen embryo. 

Back on October 20th, we set up an appointment with the FP office to talk to the doctor.  The doctor and embryologist reviewed my chart and thought that if I wanted to use the embryo, I probably could.  They could not be sure that it would result in another child but if we wanted to implant it, we were free to do so.  The embryo has a quality of BB and with me being 34 when it was frozen, it may be of better quality that if the decided to retrieve additional eggs at 37. We made the decision to get on the list for the next open FET cycle, which happened to be January.

So we started the protocol in December with more birth control to get my cycle regulated and on January 8th, I started the fertility meds for the FET.  The thing that is different with the FET (frozen embryo transfer) compared to the egg retrieval and fresh transfer I went through back in January 2018 is that I don't have to do the stim shots as I did before. This time, I'm on a steroid (Prednisone) and two Estrogen hormones (pills and gels).  I had my first monitoring appointment this past Tuesday (01/12) and met with my fertility coordinator and the doctor. My ultrasound showed that my lining was where it needed to be and in the words of my doctor, my uterus is excellent.

I go back for a second monitoring this Tuesday (01/19) and start my progesterone oil shots and we're scheduled for the FET on Tuesday, January 26th.

Again, besides talking to Kahla about deciding to pursue the FET, we haven't said anything to anyone.  We're going to wait awhile to see how everything turns out and then tell our families about our journey. Personally, I am fine with whatever happens.  Just like when I went through this journey with Declan, I know everything is in God's plan.  I'm so grateful and lucky for my miracle son.

I'm hoping to be able to update more on the FET process over the next few weeks but it all depends on how much time and energy I actually have to do so. Life with a 2 year old and my full time job can be absolutely insane somedays and by the time I sit down, I'm usually asleep 5 minutes after that.