Day 22 -- Still in the 2 week wait and someone's having a birthday

We're up to day 22 and 5 days into our two week wait but I'm feeling really really good! We received one final call from Ryan, the Embryologist on Wednesday afternoon who gave us the final word on our last 2 embryos. As expected, one embryo failed to continue to progress and had to be discarded but the other embryo progressed beautifully and we were able to freeze that embryo. It was also rated as a BB, which was music to my ears.
Right now the anticipation is keeping me going and I'm so hopeful that our two implanted embryos continue to grow. I've tried to maintain pretty much the same schedule as I had before the transfer with just a few slight adjustments. We're working out 5-6 days a week, mostly cardio but I'm not going as intense and weight lifting as much as before. D has still banned me from the squat racks due to my daily progesterone injections but I've still managed to use some of the weight machines at the gym. Overall, I'm also listening to my body and if I need to rest, I'm taking the time to do so. I've heard that the progesterone injections can make you tired, so I may be sleeping a bit more than normal, like going to bed at 8:30 or 9 at night. Of course, if you talk to D, this is normal every night Lindsay behavior, so he doesn't truly think we're seeing any of the side effects from the progesterone.

I'm really looking forward to filling everyone in about our journey but it's also one of those things that I want to make sure of our progress before telling both our families. I debated about telling my mom and step-dad today about our past few months since we were celebrating my birthday today but we held off. Ultimately, if all pans out, I'd really like to surprise all of our parents and this was my main reason for staying quiet today.
So my birthday....tomorrow I turn 35!!!  35, what the heck!! Where are my 20s, where are my early 30s?  I'm now at my mid-30s and I just can't believe it. We had a great time celebrating today. D and I got up early to give me my progesterone shot and then went to workout. We stopped for groceries on our way home so that D could pick up a few ingredients to make me breakfast.  Chef D made pancakes and sausage for us.

We went to HuHot Mongolian Grill for lunch with my mom and step-dad, where I loaded up on veggies and lean meat and had it all cooked in front of me on the teppanyaki grill. We came back to our house for cake and to hang out for a bit. I also got to open my card and birthday present, which was a gorgeous magnetic bracelet that is also known for keeping you healthy.

Thank goodness my mom didn't add 35 candles!

So pretty and 2 of my favorite colors!

Overall we had a great day and I'm ready to spend the rest of my evening catching up on some of the shows we missed throughout the week and getting ready for my work week ahead. It will be the first week in a few that I should be there all 5 days and I've got auditors visiting as well as month-end close and my birthday so it will be a crazy full week!

Day 17b -- Embryo Transfer Complete!

I've been home for a few hours right now and I'm on such a high from our embryo transfer this morning. We have officially transferred the 2 best embryos and we're well on our way!  It's been such an emotional but awesome day!

The procedure was actually fairly easy and I was able to watch the whole placement of both via the ultrasound. Probably the hardest part of this whole IVF journey was having such a full bladder so that they could place the embryos in the best possible spot for growth. The injections haven't bothered me, the transvaginal ultrasounds haven't been bad, the multiple blood draws have been bearable, egg retrieval day was a breeze and even the implantation today was no problem but having a full bladder and feeling like I was going to explode was the killer!

So here's a rundown of our morning....
We woke up at 5:15 am because I wanted to get in a quick workout at the gym.  I again didn't get too crazy and just did 31 minutes on the stride elliptical. We got home, D gave me my progesterone shot and we got ready for the day.  We got to the FP office at 8:05 am. I signed in and within minutes was taken back so that they could get my weight and vitals. Once that was complete, I changed into my gown and waited for Ryan, the Embryologist to tell us how our embryos were progressing. A few minutes later Ryan came in to talk to us, originally we had 11 eggs retrieved, 6 were mature but only 4 were normal once they were fertilized. Those 4 had been incubated and monitored since our retrieval. As of this morning, we had 2 embryos that were blastocysts and ready for transfer. One was rated a BB+ and the other was a BB. Out of the 2 remaining embryos, 1 was still progressing and could possibly be a blastocyst tomorrow and the other was unchanged. Should the 1 that is still progressing improve tomorrow, the doc will freeze it for potential later use.
I was elated by the status of our 2 embryos that were going to be transferred! Ryan even gave us a pic of our "babies."

We were the 2nd transfer of the day, so I had to wait for the couple ahead of us to have their transfer completed before we went in. D and I took a selfie and I continued to drink the water necessary for filling my bladder to the max.

Around 8:45 am, the Fertility Coordinator came to get us and we headed for the procedure room. In there, I hopped up on the table and got situated in the stirrups. My Fertility Coordinator checked the status of my bladder via the ultrasound and found that it wasn't quite full enough for the transfer so she made me down another cup of water. I already felt like I was going to explode and this just added to that pressure. After what seemed like an eternity of a full bladder, the doctor arrived and found out that my bladder was way too full, so they sent me to slightly empty it. Whew...what a relief!  I came back and got re-situated in the stirrups and we got the transfer started. The doctor prepped and added solution to make sure that everything was sterile and then inserted the catheter. Once the "outer" catheter was inserted, the embryologist brought the "inner" catheter filled with our 2 embryos to finish the process.  We slowly watched the fluid with the embryos inserted and within a few seconds the implantation was complete!
I was so overjoyed!! I have never had this much happiness. The doc flipped me upside down on the table for a few minutes while they printed a couple pictures of the implantation -- one for my file and one for us to take with us.

That white spot is the fluid and our 2 embryos!

He turned me back up and talked to D and I about the 3 things needed to make sure that we are successful with our implantation -- the science, remaining happy and having fun and the magic/prayer. The doctor warmed his hands and placed them on my abdomen and told me the power of prayer could do wonders to keep us positive through this journey. Right now, I couldn't agree more!
My instructions for the rest of the day was to take it easy but stay active...walk around and keep myself going. Obviously I'm off of work but the doctor doesn't want me to spend the entire day lounging around as that's not good after implantation.
We walked out of the procedure room and I headed directly for the bathroom again to empty my still extremely full bladder and then got ready to come home.  I hugged both of my Fertility Coordinators as I left and told them I'd text them if I had any issues and that I'd be sure to get my followup bloodwork completed as scheduled.

D and I left and were on our way with our implanted embryos! On the way home we stopped at Chick-fil-a for chicken biscuits and then to Walgreens to get Ibuprofen in case I need over the next few weeks. Once home, D prepared to head to work and I tried to figure out what do to with myself. I decided that in order to keep myself occupied for a bit I'd clean out the pantry and re-organize it. I also have a load of laundry I need to finish up.

So what's up next for us.....
Right now I'm currently PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) and we're in the TWW (two week wait) phase. On February 5th, I'll go to the lab for my first blood test to determine my hCG and progesterone levels. hCG is the main hormone that determines whether or not I'm pregnant.  I'll have another blood test done on February 7th and we should know where we stand. It will be an exciting and nerve-wracking 2 weeks but we're so looking forward to growing our family!

Day 17 -- Transfer Day!!

Today is the BIG day!!  It's embryo transfer day! We're getting ready to head to the FP office in a few minutes. We're supposed to be there at 8:15 am again to get prepped for today's procedure.

Thankfully my boss has been super understanding with the last minute days off I've taken over the last few weeks and hopefully we'll have some exciting news to share with everyone in the coming months.

I'm drinking a lot of water to make sure my bladder is full so that the procedure is a success. And we're super hopeful that we still have 4 healthy growing embryos available for today's transfer. Obviously we won't be transferring all 4 but our goal is to transfer 2 and freeze the other 2 for later use.

I'm on Cloud 9 right now. I never imagined feeling this overjoyed and excited for anything in my life. Our engagement and wedding was exciting but it doesn't even compare to the joy I feel today.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and continue to send good vibes our way!

Day 14 -- Embryo Status

It's been an exciting 2 days and while I wanted to update yesterday after my phone call with Ryan, the Embryologist, I thought I'd hold off until I had more information from his call today.
He's monitoring our embryos, watching the growth and making sure everything is going as planned for the transfer. Yesterday he called a little after 11 am and let me know that out of the 11 eggs that were retrieved, 6 ended up being mature. The 6 eggs were fertilized and 4 ended up being normal upon fertilization. They had been graded as "Good" which was the best grade they could get after 24 hours. The grades they use this early on are "Good," "Fair," and "Bad." He told me that he'd continue to monitor the embryos and call me on Saturday with an update and my transfer day. The transfer could be as early as Day 3 (Sunday) or it would be on Day 5 (Tuesday).
I had a lot of hope and in spite of the work issues I faced yesterday, I was so happy as I worked through the rest of the afternoon.

D and I got up early this morning in order to stay consistent with the time of my progesterone oil injection. We headed to the gym for a workout -- me only walking on the treadmill for 45 minutes as to not get too carried away. Typically my Saturdays are meant for squats and other leg and butt exercises but D has put a limit on that until we get through IVF and hopefully the first few weeks of pregnancy. Ultimately, I'd like to keep working out as much as my body allows as I think it will help me physically and mentally. I've heard that women who workout during pregnancy have easier labors and staying active helps overall immunity of both the woman and baby.

D headed out soon after for a guys' day with my brother and uncle but he left with the instruction to text him if I heard back from the Embryologist. Around 12:30, Ryan called with more good news! We still have all 4 embryos and all of them are currently 4 cells, which is to be expected 48 hours after retrieval and fertilization. They are all still in "Good" status also. The doctor has decided to transfer the embryos on Day 5, Tuesday.  I have to wait for my fertility coordinator to confirm transfer time but it should be somewhere between mid and late morning on Tuesday.

I texted D with the exciting news and we're both so elated!  I went from feeling broken and defective back in September to confused and upset in November to scared and unsure in December to now happy and excited and looking forward to where this journey takes us. I know we still are not out of the woods and we still have a long way to go but I'm so glad we've chosen to give IVF a shot!

Day 12b -- Egg Retrieval Complete!

You know I'm starting to think that my positivity is paying off for this journey!! As anxious, nervous and scared as I was going through egg retrieval this morning, I feel really good. Just some minor cramping but it went extremely well!

We arrived at the doc's office at 8 am this morning, I made a quick beeline for the bathroom. I wanted to make sure I didn't have an incident during the procedure. I signed in and waited to be called back. My fertility coordinator had another couple before us so we sat in the waiting room watching Fixer Upper for a few minutes. Chip and Jo are always fun to watch so this helped ease my mind a touch.
My fertility coordinator then came back to talk to us and go through our consent forms and make sure I hadn't eaten since last night. She took my weight and then I was put into an exam room for pre-op prep. In the room, I changed out of my clothes into a gown and laid back on the examination table, just taking everything in and keeping my thoughts positive. The Anesthesiologist, Mike, came in and prepped my IV and again did a small pre-op interview to make sure I had followed the protocol for surgery. Once he was complete, he sent in the Embryologist, Ryan, who gave us a rundown of his responsibilities during the retrieval. He's the one who would be evaluating the oocytes retrieved and inseminating them. He told me that once everything was completed today, he would call tomorrow letting me know how many viable embryos we had and also let me know that there are 3 options once the oocytes are fertilized -- they are either transferred, frozen or discarded depending on how healthy they are.

Since there were multiple patients having egg retrievals and there weren't enough beds in the surgery prep area, I had to walk down the hall from the exam room to the gurney in the prep area which was closer to the surgery room and spent a few minutes getting relaxed there before it was my turn for retrieval. Soon after I was in the surgery prep area, they whisked D off to complete his part of the process.  As I laid there by myself, I overheard the couple next to us as she was wheel back in after her retrieval and she had 4 eggs retrieved, 3 being mature and 1 that was not viable. I had no idea what to expect but I was hopeful that we'd have at least that many or more.

Before D got back, my fertility coordinator came to get me and told me it was my turn and off I walked into the surgery room. In the surgery room, I had to get situated on the table with my legs in the stirrups, my thoughts staying positive and hoping for the best. Mike, the Anesthesiologist, came back in to administer my sedation drug and put the oxygen mask on my face. He told me that I'd be out soon and as I laid there, I just slowly drifted to sleep. I remember having a dream of some sort and soon after I felt my fertility coordinator and Mike waking me up telling me that everything was complete and to move back on the gurney so they could wheel me to recovery. I honestly did not feel a thing!
In recovery, they brought D back and I started telling him how parched I was and how much I wanted to eat. I asked if everything went ok for him and we just sat there with him holding my hand. Mike took out my IV and bandaged my hand and soon after, another fertility coordinator and 2 other patient techs came in to explain how to administer my progesterone oil. First, the fertility coordinator drew a heart on each one of my buttocks and then she showed D how to get the oil out of the bottle, into the syringe, where to inject and then how to massage the area so that I don't get knots. After that, I was free get dressed and get ready to go.
They put me in a wheelchair and got me ready to head out and as they did that, I realized I hadn't found out how many eggs were retrieved. Come to find out, I had 11 eggs retrieved and 5 of them were mature already!  Woo hoo!! I was so elated! We still have to wait for the final report from Ryan, the Embryologist, tomorrow but to me this was the best news I could hear! All of the injections did their job and for someone who had a low AMH and a diagnosis of Diminished Ovarian Reserve, I'm glad we gave this a chance.

Tomorrow I'll learn the grades of the embryos and find out when I'll be ready for a transfer. It could be as early as this Sunday or Tuesday. I'll continue to have to take the progesterone oil for quite some time just to make sure my body stays in the best shape possible for getting pregnant and staying that way. Once we know the final grades on the embryos, D and I will make the final decision on how many we'll transfer too. Right now, we have an idea but our final decision will really depend on tomorrow's results.

 We ended up getting home around 11:30 this morning and the first thing I did was grab a drink of Gatorade (recommended to get my electrolytes up) then I went to lay on the couch. I really didn't feel bad but I was still a bit tired.  Before nodding off, I texted 2 friends who had been praying for us on this journey, letting them know I was home and everything went well and that I'd keep them posted. D made me a bowl of soup and half a sandwich and we ate lunch together before I decided to take a nap for a couple hours. I woke up feeling really good and I still feel pretty normal. I have the slight cramping every now and again but honestly, it's not even as bad as when I have period cramps! I've spent the rest of the afternoon/evening catching up on some reading and watching a bit of TV. As long as I continue to feel this way, I'm confident I will go to work tomorrow and then will take it easy over the weekend.

Today was such an exciting day. As nervous as I was to start this journey, I realize now that I can handle more than I thought.

Day 12 -- Egg Retrieval Day

Today is Egg Retrieval Day! I'm nervous, anxious, excited and just about every other emotion in between. We administered my trigger shot at 9:30 pm on Tuesday night and that started the clock for today's procedure.

Yesterday, for the first time in 11 days, I had no injections, which seemed a bit weird since I had started getting used to them every day but it was a nice break. After work last night, we went to the gym and worked out since we didn't have injections at 6 pm and then had dinner. After dinner, I took a relaxing bath and just tried to ease my mind a bit. D and I caught up on this week's episode of The Good Doctor on DVR and then I had a bowl of ice cream and 2 glasses of water before I was cut off from eating at 9 pm.
Since I'll be put under anesthesia today, 9 pm was my deadline for food and water and I made sure to make the most of it with my ice cream.  I ended up going to bed around 10 pm, hoping to get a decent amount of sleep and thankfully my brain cooperated.

As for this morning, I wanted to get a small workout in to help my anxiety about today.  Working out always seems to ease my mind so D and I woke up at 5:30 am and headed to the gym. I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical but I didn't push myself too hard....it just felt good to get some exercise in.
Right now, I'm dressed in my comfy clothes and getting ready for what's ahead. We have to be at the FP office at 8:15 am where I'll be prepped for the retrieval which should happen soon after.
I'm not sure what to expect this afternoon but my plan is to relax and sleep and take care of my body.
Since I haven't eaten today, I requested pizza for dinner. Given everything we're going through today, I figured the splurge was worth it.

As we prepare to head to the doc, I'm keep positive that we'll have a successful retrieval today!  I'm also keeping the attitude that I can get through anything as long as I stay strong.

Day 9 -- We have a retrieval date

I had another doctor's appointment this afternoon and my body has progressed extremely well and so well that we're on schedule for my egg retrieval on Thursday!

At my appointment today, the doctor saw 15 follicles and a thick uterine lining. He was pleased with how well the injections have been working and how my body has responded given the fact that my AMH level was so low to start. In fact, he told me today that given the fact that my AMH was so low, he's certain that no other fertility clinic would even attempt to let me try to improve my condition with the fertility drugs but he is confident he will be able to harvest viable eggs for us.

So what exactly is up next for us leading up to the retrieval...
Today was my last day of taking my baby aspirin, so I'm officially off of that until told take them again. I also had more bloodwork today to check my progesterone and estradiol levels one more time.
Tomorrow I'll take my last Follistim, Ganirelix and Menopur injections -- my 2 injections in the morning and 2 injections at night.
Also, my FP coordinator will give me the instructions for the exact time I need to take my trigger shot Ovidrel tomorrow night. I have exactly 36 hours from the time I take the injection to when they will complete the egg retrieval. I'll get more details tomorrow for the time of my procedure.
In total, I'll have 5 injections tomorrow...oh my poor yellow and purple tummy!

Wednesday is the low-key day before. No injections, only my vitamins and supplements and then no food or drink after 9 pm. I'm also supposed to take a relaxing bath and enjoy some quality time with D.

As for Thursday, I'll arrive and be prepped for the egg retrieval procedure -- no makeup, no contact lenses, no hair products, just plain me in loose fitting clothes. D has to be my designated driver and provide the necessary sample to fertilize the eggs. I'm supposed to then take it easy the rest of the day. Thankfully after my appointment today, I was able to schedule the day off of work no problem and D will be taking the day off as well. I told my boss that depending on how I feel I may or may not come into work on Friday. My hope is that I feel well enough to work so that I can save my much needed time off for when we really need it -- the implantation, etc. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the pain and discomfort will be limited.

And tonight, we're both just full of anticipation and excitement and looking forward to what happens next.

Day 7 -- Just plugging along

We're at day 7 of our IVF journey and things are going well. I started the Ganirelix injection yesterday morning so now I have 2 in the AM (Follistim and Ganirelix) and 2 in the evening (Follistim and Menopur) until I go back to the doctor on Monday. Last night, D picked up the rest of my meds that the doc ordered, which *fingers crossed* are the last for awhile. This included my trigger shot, Ovidrel and the Progesterone oil for after the retreival.

I have to be one of Walgreens best customers. It was another $2,490.62 for the rest of my meds. I'm glad we didn't buy them all at once. I may have had a slight anxiety attack last week if we had.

So far I'm still feeling good. I haven't seen any real side effects from any of the meds I've been taking. At my appointment on Thursday, my doc asked if I've had any weird dreams lately, because apparently that is one of the side effects but I haven't as of yet. I think I had more weird dreams before going on the meds that I have since taking them....go figure!

Other than that, I'm just trying to stay as stress free as possible and make sure I'm reading up on as much IVF information as I can so I'm prepared as we move forward on this journey.
We're headed out for a night of fun at the casino this evening with my bro, his girlfriend and Nicole as a delayed celebration for Nicole's 21st birthday. We went to Fast Eddie's on her actual birthday but we wanted to take her out as cousins to celebrate her birthday milestone.  It should be a great time and maybe we'll have some luck tonight!

Day 5 -- We're on track

I had another visit with my fertility doctor today and we're moving right along!

Today, my ultrasound displayed 5 follicles on the left side and 7 follicles on the right and my lining is 7 mm. The stims are working!! Yeah!  All of my levels from my blood work on Monday were also on track and my doc was happy with the progress. He even high fived me for the good report after my ultrasound.

Tomorrow I start another injection in the morning, Ganirelix.  This goes along with the Follistim injection in the morning and my Follistim and Menopur injections at night.  We'll keep this up until my next appointment on Monday when the doc will tell me how many more days of injections I have and when we're scheduled for egg retrieval.

After my visit with the doc, I met with the Fertility Coordinator again and got my instructions for filling the rest of my meds with the pharmacy and then headed off to have more blood work done. Today, the office didn't have a phlebotomist on site so I drove down the street to visit the clinic.  Thankfully again today I drank PLENTY of water and they had no issues getting what was needed to check my levels again.  Hopefully, I'll be exactly where I need to be to move forward!

In other news, St. Louis is getting sleet and freezing rain tonight.  Both D and I made sure to get home before that junk started lining the roads. After our debacle last winter where it took us both 4+ hours to get home, I'm not about to mess with that again anytime soon.  Plus, we have bigger things to plan for in the future and we're not about chance it for this weather. :)

Day 2 -- Just call me a pin cushion

Official day 2 of our IVF journey!

Today I had another injection of Follistim in the morning and injections of Follistim and Menopur this evening. In between all of this injection fun, I had an appointment at the FP office. At my appointment, I had all of my vitals taken and then had to have an ultrasound so the doctor could see exactly what he would be working with. According to the doc, I have 7 egg follicles right now, 2 on the right side and 5 on the left and my lining is about 4 mm.  The doctor wants me to come back on Thursday for another checkup and will determine what the next plan of action is once he's able to see my progress. He's considering a frozen embryo transfer but he will be able to make a better determination as he continues to track my progress.

After my ultrasound, I had to have more blood drawn and considering all of the issues that I've had in the past, I decided to do my best this morning and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! Apparently all of the hydration worked and the phlebotomist had no problem getting what he needed today. Yes!
Of course, this did cause me to use the bathroom 4 times this morning but it was definitely better than having to be stuck more times!
I met with Fertility Coordinator who told me to keep up my current injection regime and bring in my Ganirelix with me to my next appointment in case I need to start that.

Overall, it wasn't too bad today. I'm starting to get the hang of everything and D & I have our system down for the injections and my vitamins and supplements.  Like the doctor said to me today, my blood type should be my attitude through this journey -- B Positive....and positive I will be!

Day 1 -- Here We Go

We're officially our IVF journey.
On Tuesday, I made the payment to the FP office since it needed to be paid before my first appointment.  In one swoop, I charged over $7k to get this process officially started....yikes!
On Wednesday, I took the last of the prescribed birth control pills. I'd been on the active pills for 5 weeks, weird when you're ultimately trying to have a baby, but there is a method to the madness.  I got a call from the only Walgreens that specializes in fertility meds in the area telling me that they had my order from the FP office and they wanted to know what I wanted filled. I contacted my Coordinator at the FP office and got a rundown of things to order first. Obviously my insurance isn't covering any of this, so we have to be smart about what to order/buy and when based upon the meds being used in what order.
Follistim and Menopur are the two main injections I'm supposed to take first so I made sure to get enough of those as well as the Ganirelix, which is the next step.  We held off on the trigger shot (Ovidrel) and the progesterone oil until its needed.  I knew the meds would be pricey but I had the shock of my life when I found out the price of 6 days of meds.  Thankfully I asked the Pharmacy Tech on the phone so I didn't have a heart attack when D went and picked up the meds on Thursday.  We spent the rest of our Wednesday night rearranging our budget and figuring out where to move money from to cover all of these expenses.  Anyone else ever spend $3,001.35 at Walgreens?

Friday was a fairly low key day, just putting together my basket of goods and making sure I knew what was coming next.  I've been reading a lot of blogs and websites trying to prepare for all of this and the biggest recommendation is to make sure you have everything in one spot and organized. For Christmas, my bro and his girlfriend gave me a basket of gifts and the basket came in very handy for storing all of my meds, sharps container and other goodies.

Saturday I started my prescription steroid...Prednisone, adding it to the already growing list of vitamins I've been taking for months.

Today was the BIG day, we set an alarm for 6:15 this morning so D could give me my first shot. We had to get on a schedule so that we can give the meds 12 hours apart and on a schedule that meshes with our work schedules.  Tonight we had to inject both the Follistim and the Menopur. D is my honorary nurse and is injecting all of my shots for me since I'm a bit adverse to needles right now.

Tomorrow afternoon is my first doctor's appointment to start checking my progress. I'll go again on Friday and next Monday for them to track the number and size of folicles before they set a date for retrieval.  My hope is to continue to use the blog as my journal for this journey. It's exciting and nerve-wracking and there is so much going through my head thinking about this entire process.

We have had some other things happening as well.  While we opted not to tell our families about our IVF journey during the holidays, we did celebrate Christmas and our visit to Michigan passed in a blur.  We visited family throughout the state and took a day trip to Frankenmuth to go to the largest Christmas store.  I got back to work to complete year-end and then celebrate Christmas and New Years with my family.  We had D's work Holiday party on Friday night and then yesterday we surprised my Dad with a Retirement party.  It was quite the party at a local restaurant and we had a good turnout of friends, family and co-workers.

It's been a busy and exciting 2018 so far and we can't wait to see what else is in store for us this year!

Our Next Journey

After my last post, D and I had another appointment with the fertility specialist and had some major factors to look at and decisions to make. And a decision we have made!  

It's the biggest decision we've ever had to make and we had to take a long look at everything to make sure that this was the next step to take in our marriage. Yes, we love each other unconditionally but medical procedures and medical risks along with my age and the financial responsibilities that come with fertility issues are major factors we had to think about.  I am happy yet extremely nervous to say that as of a few weeks ago, the prep has started and officially in January, we will undergo IVF.

This afternoon we met with the team at the FP office and took a class on what will be happening over the next few months.  There is a lot of steps involved in order to ensure that we have eggs to retrieve and hopefully transfer next month. We met first regarding the financial and legal aspects of the procedure.  In all my life, I never thought I'd have to decide what would happen to any extra embryos or decide if I want specific procedures to help the formation and implantation of said embryos and ultimately how many embryos we want transferred.  It's a lot to think about and figure out along with deciding how the heck we're going to pay for the procedure and meds and then a child or children.

Then we met with our Fertility Coordinator who explained all of the meds and even let us practice giving the injections on a silicone stomach. I had no idea how many injections and medicinal cocktails I'd have to give myself throughout this process.  Thank goodness I have a supportive husband who isn't fearful of needles because he will be administering these for me, because I'm a chicken no matter how small the needles are.

Finally, we had to get bloodwork and urine analyses done in order to make sure we can take the next step. For me, I had to had to have one at the FP office to check for potential birth defects and then both D and I had to go to Quest and get the remaining tests run to check for infectious diseases. Unfortunately for me, I have horribly small veins and the phlebotomist wasn't there so the attempts at the FP office by the Medical Assistants were unsuccessful.  I have to go back tomorrow and hopefully will have a better outcome. Thankfully, the tests at Quest went easier!

So up next, we've got to get through the holidays. D and I are debating on whether or not we're going to tell our families during the time we'll be spending with them over the next few weeks. We've only told my brother and his girlfriend and a couple friends. It's one of those things that we're not sure if we want everyone knowing what's going on or just tell them after the fact. (Luckily, none of our family members besides my bro know about the blog so they won't find out from here!) It's something I'm not embarrassed to admit but I also don't want them to add additional stress/pressure right now.

It's amazing to think that 3 years ago today, D and I got engaged at Hoover Dam in Las Vegas and today, we're taking the next step to grow our family. 3 years ago, I would have never imagined we'd be on this IVF journey, but here it goes!

Something more than daily life

I've been meaning to post something more than our day to day life on here for a while, but I couldn't really find the courage to actually post it.  One afternoon 6 or 7 months ago while I was taking a short lunch at work, I wrote out something that had been eating me up for awhile in hopes of posting it but I decided against it.  The words on that piece of notebook paper have sat in the back of my mind since I wrote them and finally I feel like I can address those fears, especially after having them confirmed.
So we'll start at the beginning....
D & I talked before we got married of our hopes, fears and goals for the future. While I wasn't always sure that I would be a good mother, I wasn't opposed to the idea of actually becoming one some day. There was never a time in my life that I thought my life would be incomplete without a child and I figured if the time came, I'd be ok if we did or did not have children once we were married and settled.

A few months before our 1 year anniversary, D & I thought we had settled into married life fairly well.  We had our finances in order, our house was coming along, we had our careers pretty much under control and we decided it was the right time to try to grow our family. In June 2016, I stopped refilling my birth control prescription. I was on the pill for almost 13 years and it was crazy to think that we were taking this next step together and actually trying to have a child. We went on our delayed honeymoon in July and while we weren't certain that the pill was completely out of my system, we were ok with whatever the outcome would be.
Obviously, I haven't posted anything about pregnancy or having a child on the blog and if you've seen me over the past 16 months, you've noticed our only baby is still Kinny. My thought process over this time period has always been, "whatever happens is in God's plan" and I continue to believe that. I just figured God didn't think it was the right time and that with my big promotion at work and other things D & I have going on, we needed to continue to focus on everything else and let whatever happen actually happen.
The first few months, we thought we were just unable to figure out my cycle.  After that, D, who is longingly wanting to be a father, downloaded the Glow App to his phone. He's been tracking each month feverishly so we could get the timing down as best as possible. I started taking additional vitamins, eating foods to promote fertility, cutting out all alcohol and overall trying to be as healthy as I can.
After a year of trying, D & I realized that something may not be right. Around our 2 year anniversary, we decided we probably needed to go to the doctor and figure out what's exactly wrong. We tried calling a fertility specialist that one of our friend's recommended and in fact used to have her baby girl earlier this year. D left message after message and could not get anyone to call him back. After a week of frustration and unreturned calls, we decided to look for another doctor. On my way to and from work, I've noticed a large building that clearly was exactly what I was looking for. All these years driving down I-70, I ignored it but knowing our situation, I decided to do some research and see if they could help us. The doctor had great reviews and also a high percentage of helping couples like D & myself.
D made the initial call and set us up for an appointment in mid-September, September 15th to be exact. We filled out our paperwork, submitted it ahead of time so that the doctor could review our medical histories and be prepared for our visit. We were glad that we finally were going to figure out what was going on! I got a call a few days before our initial visit saying the doctor had to reschedule because he would be out of town so we rescheduled for the following Friday, September 22nd. We were leaving for KC for the weekend that day but it just made sense to get into the doctor without having to take additional time off of work another day.
D & I met with the doctor, gave him a bit of history of us and then settled in for testing. The doctor ordered 3 blood tests for me along with an ultrasound and a one test for D.
We each went our separate ways -- me for my blood tests and D for his test and then met back up for my ultrasound. The blood test results, testing my AMH, Vitamin D and TSH levels wouldn't be back for a week but if the doc found something in D's results or my ultrasound then we wouldn't have to worry about them so much.
Of course as I suspected, D's results came back completely normal. My ultrasound came back less than stellar. Apparently I have an inverted uterus and the doctor could only find 6-7 egg follicles, which is low for someone my age -- both of these things alone make it difficult to become pregnant let alone whatever my blood tests results would find.
We left our appointment quite disheartened. For someone that had said, "whatever happens is in God's plan" before, I now felt cheated and felt like the worst wife ever. I spent the whole car ride to KC upset and crying every so often. I spent our evening at dinner upset and then was up half of the night up thinking. Even without knowing the other test results, I knew, "I am defective."
Around midnight that night after D was long asleep in our hotel, I sat on Twitter to keep myself occupied. Knowing I didn't have anyone to talk to, I just decided to tweet to get my feelings out there and hoping that it would let me get to sleep. The tweet was simply, "Dr apt today & wasn't expecting the results I got. Feeling broken. Trying to have fun on our trip but that news is weighing heavily on me now."
I caused a bit of a stir with my family members on Twitter but D & I blew it off just saying I was down on myself and there was nothing seriously wrong. We hadn't told anyone about our fertility struggles and I didn't want to have to try to explain them without having all of the info.
We waited for the remaining results to come back in and then decided to figure out the next step.
My blood test results were in about a week later and were no better than my ultrasound results...
AMH = 0.23 ng/ml
Vitamin D = 31 ng/ml
TSH = 1.69 ml U/L
I Googled each to find out what it meant and it was frightening. My AMH levels are EXTREMELY low and my Vitamin D is also on the lower side. I wanted to hear back from the doctor but considering I only got the raw results from the lab, I waited to see what his interpretation of all of the results were. And waited we did -- it was 4 weeks yesterday since our appointment and finally I got a call back from the doctor. I've been diagnosed with Diminished Ovarian Reserve. My AMH level being so low, means that at 34, I'm closer to menopause than I should be and chances of us having a child on our own are nearly impossible.
The doctor recommended Vitamin D supplements and wanted to know my thoughts on where we wanted to go from here. Obviously modern medicine could potentially help us but at what cost? IUI is not a viable option, IVF may be possible, but what exactly would it take to get to that point and have it be successful? The doctor also has a reputation to uphold and doesn't want to steer me to believe that he's a miracle worker when I could be way past the point of being able to sustain a pregnancy. On top of that, do we want to spend $7,000 + the costs of meds and injections for it to not work? Trying to be financially responsible (or maybe just cheap), I'm torn by what we should do.
The doctor suggested meeting face to face with both D & myself and going through all of our options. We have another appointment set up for November 3rd.

It's hit me hard over the past month, just how difficult life can be at you sometimes. I tried for years and years to be responsible and not get pregnant -- waiting for the right time in my life, where I was ready mentally, emotionally and financially and it seems like when all of those pieces came together, now  physically I'm not able to. Yes, this may all be "in God's plan" but it's made me wonder just what I've done to deserve these trials and tribulations. I also wonder if God just wants me to only be Kinny's mom.

It's Fall Y'all

Oh September and October, what can I say?  It's been a lot of the same around here....work, work, work for both D and myself and then a few weekends away.  The last weekend of August, we spent the weekend out with my family in Highland, we had a wedding Labor Day weekend down at the Lake of the Ozarks, we took a weekend and celebrated our 2 year anniversary in Kansas City and both D and I had to travel for work -- D to Minnesota and me to New Orleans/Mobile, AL.  Really, I couldn't tell you if we were coming or going last month and this month has turned into more of the same.
I picked up D from the airport this afternoon as he had a weekend out in Vegas with his buddy Jason. They attended the Vegas Golden Knights hockey game against the Detroit Red Wings and had some guy time while I stayed home.  It was a good thing I stayed home, I had a wedding for another cousin on the Rick side to attend and I'm also petsitting for my Mom and Michael while they cruise to Bermuda.  Our house is pretty crazy right now, 3 cats and 1 dog all under one roof and really Miss Kinny is not to thrilled with her house guests.  We have our guests for another week and I'm hoping we can get her to change her mind and get along with her pet friends.

We're getting ready to start another work week and it's sure to be a another full one.  Besides the normal workload, which is overwhelming in itself, I have lunches and appointments and meetings that will take up the rest of my time.  Ah...the life of a Senior Accountant and Department Manager!

Anyway, here are a few photos of our adventures.....

Kirchenfest 2017

Labor Day Wedding

Kansas City - Arabia Steamboat Museum

Wedding Fun!

Love my Fam!!

TWO YEARS!!!!

Where were you two years ago today?!?
For D, myself and nearly 130 of our closest family and friends, we were all in St. Louis celebrating our wedding.  Crazy to think it has been two years since we said I DO and became husband and wife.
It's been a wild journey so far and we've had our ups and downs but I would not change one thing that has happened over the course of these 2 years.
I love looking back at our wedding pictures because I can honestly say this was one of the best days of my life.  I had my family and friends all together to witness such a beautiful, momentous occasion.

In case you want to relive the day as much as I do, here are more pics from the big day.

Happy 2nd Anniversary to my wonderful, patient (most of the time), caring and compassionate husband Dusty Bear!!  I love you more than you could ever imagine and I'm so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with you!

A delayed vacation post - a visit to Michigan's Upper Peninsula

So we went on vacation a little more than a month ago and somehow time got away from me with blogging about the trip.  Could be the fact that I've been a crazy workhorse since we've been back, but nonetheless, it was a great time and I'm so glad we were able to get away and relax in Michigan's Upper Peninsula.
This year we went back to the Roberts' family cabin and spent 7 days enjoying the views and peace and quiet of Lake Superior and Waiska Bay.
We did take a few days trips, including to Whitefish Point and the Shipwreck Museum, Sault Ste. Marie to see the freighters cross the locks and to my favorite, Tahquamenon Falls.

Kinny helping Daddy drive

The Mighty Mackinac Bridge

Soo Locks Visitor Center

That's some propeller!

Here comes a freighter!

Kinny catching some morning rays.

Happy 4th of July!!

Video Blackjack with the family before fireworks

A beautiful sunset on the 4th of July

The Lighthouse at Whitefish Point

Tahquamenon Falls

So majestic!

Dustin's favorite spot - watching freighters

Kinny's favorite spot - relaxing on something soft

Overall, we had a great time and both Dustin and I talked the whole ride home about how we would love to be able to move there.  Of course, with the careers we have now that's not possible, but it sure would be nice to get out of the daily grind and take things a bit slower.  Not sure how well I would do up there with all of the snow in the winter but the summer is amazing and definitely the change of pace we needed for a week off of work!

It's May!

We're about halfway through May and things really haven't slowed down for us much.  We've attended a few weddings, worked on a few projects around our house and celebrated a few holidays. Speaking of which, last weekend was Mother's Day and we were able to spend the day with my mom and step-dad.  Kinny even surprised me with a few gifts over the weekend, including these yummy donuts.

Love me some cake donuts!

Apparently Kinny sent her dad out at 5:45 am to find her Mom sprinkled cake donuts.  I also got a Groupon to get a massage or facial at a local spa. It was definitely appreciated and I'm so grateful for my family.
After our donut breakfast and a workout, we had to get ready for a wedding.  One of my cousins on my dad's side married her longtime boyfriend and our family was invited.  We all attended the ceremony and then had a few hours to spare before the reception so we visited a local micro-brewery for drinks and some snacks.

The Rick clan at Stubborn German Brewing Company

We had a great time at the wedding and it brought back a lot of memories of our own wedding nearly 2 years ago especially since the colors were exactly the same as ours!  Who knew green would be such a popular wedding color!

This weekend it was time to get back to errands and projects around the house. Kinny needed an updated Rabies tag and since she no longer can be vaccinated due to the cancer caused by her last round of vaccines, we had to get an exemption from the county. D and I made a trip to the Dept of Humane Services and were able to pick up her exemption tag and since we were out we also hit Total Hockey, Menards for a new outdoor blower/vacuum and handheld Shark, Kohls and Target. D put his new outdoor blower/vacuum to use as we worked in the yard today cutting the grass, trimming the trees and bushes and cleaning up all of the old leaves.

Overall we had a productive weekend and we're getting ready for a short work week with Memorial Day coming up soon. While I'm looking forward to some time off, work demands so much attention that I'm sure I'll have quite the backlog going into month-end. Like I tell myself nearly every day, stay calm, you'll find a way to get through it all.  

And thankfully when I leave work, I have this sweet girl to cuddle up to....

Life right now

Things have been beyond busy around here with work and household responsibilities. Somedays I wonder why we became homeowners....give me back my renting days where my only responsibility was to keep the place decent looking so I could get back my security deposit.
Lately we've had the furnace go out, the dryer go out and multiple projects go haphazardly or half-finished for the time being. We'll get there eventually I guess but not anytime soon.

Besides the normal work craziness, I've been searching to find a new Staff Accountant to fill the position that has been vacant since early November.  Who knew finding qualified help would be so difficult, but hopefully on Monday my new hire will start and live up to the expectations I have for the position. *fingers crossed*
I've been given a promotion to Senior Accountant and with that, my job has become even more non-stop over the past few months.  I'm still working far too many hours each week.  This weekend, knowing full well I'll have my hands full training the Staff Accountant next week, I spent a good part of my afternoon getting caught up with a few work projects so I can finish the easy input part when I get into the office on Monday.  Tomorrow I need to start and hopefully finish a synopsis of the visit from our Software Company a month ago.  It is a project dropped on me by my boss at 4:45 pm yesterday afternoon and is due by Thursday.  I know I'm thinking a few days ahead but knowing my days never go as planned, if I don't start on my own time, I probably will be stuck doing it on my own time Wednesday night or early Thursday morning.
D is in the same boat as I am with work right now and we're both working a ton of hours both in and out of the office.  We went to dinner with my parents tonight and then came home to hook back up to the laptops to get back to work.  He's in the office and I'm out in the living room with Kinny helping me. So much for Saturday night curled up on the couch just enjoying some free time together.

I'm still trying to complete a few sets of taxes for people as well.  I have two sets left to finish and while I enjoy taxes, I can hardly wait for the end of tax season.  Doing taxes used to fill my free time and give me a bit of extra money on the side...now, I'm trying to juggle them with everything else going on.  Somehow I always get through it, it just seems extra stressful this year.

If we're ever able to have kids, I'm not sure how I'm going to manage everything and it's weighed heavily on my mind lately.  Both D and I have so much on our plates at any given time and some days it just seems impossible to take on more.  I'm sure we'd figure it out but one or both of us will have to make some sacrifices.  Right now I already feel like Kinny gets the short end of the stick with us gone for 10 hours a day and that's why I've made such a point to try to be home with her most weekends. She notices when we're home and when we're gone for too long and she needs our time as well.  It hit me hard earlier this week as I was sitting at my desk eating lunch on Monday and all I wanted was to be home to cuddle with my sweet girl. I know it sounds crazy, but somedays I just want to be that stay-at-home kitty mom.

Anyway, just wanted to check in but I better get back to my work so I can at least take some of the pressure off of my week ahead.

You Know You're Getting Older

We're dealing with some sickness around here right now.  Apparently everyone in my office is sick and I don't have near the immune system that I used to so of course, I picked it right up. I'm finally feeling a bit better today after feeling horrible for 4 days straight but now D has caught the bug and is achy and just wants to sleep.  So we're taking it easy around here this weekend.

In any case, this post isn't about our ailments, I thought I'd jot down a few tidbits since turning 34 last Sunday.  I know I'm not old by any means but I do realize I'm getting older and I'm noticing little changes throughout my life.

You know you're getting older when:
- You ask your husband for mechanical pencils for your birthday.
- You'd rather list to the local "Greatest Hits" radio station rather than the "Top Hits" station.  I'll take Journey and Genesis over Taylor Swift and Shawn Mendes anyday!
- Your Saturday nights consists of dates involving grocery shopping and trips to Sam's Club at 8 pm.
- You'd rather spend your evenings watching reruns of Full House, Friends and Home Improvement rather than anything new in primetime.
- Your weekends are spent binge-watching Fixer Upper or Property Brothers for home improvement ideas for your own home.
- A weeknight date night is a rare occurrence these days and even when you do plan something is usually because it takes care of multiple goals you wanted to accomplish.
-You realize that you can't remember near the random details you did when you were 22. Where has my memory gone these last 12 years?!?
- The best part of your workday is coming home and spending the evening with your husband and kitty on the couch.

I wonder what sort of changes I'll notice in the next 10+ years!

Ahhh January

So the end of the year got away from me and I haven't had a whole lot of extra time to put together a proper update on our holiday happenings.
It ended up being a jam packed December -- Dustin's birthday, Christmas parties, Christmas celebrations, visiting family both here and in Michigan, dealing with a crazy ice storm, getting though year-end and just everyday life.  But, we survived it all!

January hasn't been very slow either and I'm shocked that we're just a week away from the end of the month and only 5 days from my 34th birthday.
Some exciting news for the month:
- We finally got to hang out with some of our old friends from our former employer. It was fun to catch up with dinner and the Blues game and even more exciting to hear that they will be welcoming an addition to their family in July.
- I finally got an unexpected day off from work when the 2nd ice storm was slated to come through the area on Friday the 13th.  I called in because I was not about to commute 4.5 hours again like the month before.  I got a lot of honey-do's complete that day which was nice.
- Speaking of home projects we've finally got a few rooms updated and our house is starting to look like a home.  We have our guest bedroom decorated and just put the finishing touches on our master bedroom.  With these projects done, we're getting ready to tackle a few upgrades to our basement.
- We're a aunt and uncle again!  Our sweet nephew Eli was born on January 17th.  We haven't actually gotten to meet him in person yet but we're excited to see him on our next trip to Michigan.
- We got to go to the Blues game last Thursday with my brother and his girlfriend and sit 3 rows off of the ice.  While it was not even close to a respectable performance by the Blues (they lost 7-3 to the Capitals), we had a blast hanging out with them.
- Today I got some good news on the work front.  I'm not at liberty to say much yet but hopefully it will help me in the coming months.  It's been a rough few months and I welcome any positive changes.

With my 34th birthday on the horizon, I've got a lot of stuff on my mind, maybe one day I'll actually put it all on paper but for now, I'll let it just mill around in my head.