I'm finally starting to see what everyone has been saying to me for the last 3 months. Until the last few days, I thought most of my friends were crazy, but something just sort of clicked this afternoon. For those of you that don't know exactly what I'm rambling about, I'll explain...of course this is from my point of view and I'm sure everyone else is seeing this a little differently. About 3 months ago, I kind of had a change of heart about myself and my life and I decided that I needed to lighten up a bit and just be myself rather than try to fit into a mold of someone I wasn't. I didn't start out with anything drastic. I decided that I would slowly start to loosen up, while still being the responsible, mature person that everyone has known me to be. Small talk with my coworkers was the first step because besides M, I didn't really say much to anyone. J was the first person who really took to the small change in my behavior and he showed me that it was alright for me to have fun while not compromising everything I had worked so hard to become. By the time December rolled around and we threw the happy hour for J, I started feeling a little more comfortable around some of my other coworkers -- joking inside and out of work with all of these people I had grown to know over the last 4 months. The next week at the Christmas party (mostly because I was a little nervous to be going to a company function by myself), I decided that it wouldn't hurt to put myself out there a little bit and show some of the people higher up what I'm made of. By the end of that night and really the end of the week for that matter, I realized that my happiness was the one thing that I needed to start to consider.
Fast forward to mid-January, I decided that I'm only this age one time in my life and I needed to live each day to the fullest. I can't regret saying or doing something or not doing something for that matter. I can't let the what-ifs take over my life anymore and I need to act rather than react. When it came down to my work life, I decided to put together a proposal and take it to the president of the company to show him what exactly I have been working on the last few months. I finally found the rest of my courage and yesterday I presented it to him. He was stunned and really impressed. Stunned that I had put some much time into making sure that I had all of the facts organized and impressed that I went to all of the trouble that I did. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders after I met with him because it's something that I have been meaning on doing for awhile but I finally found the time and the confidence to do so. Well after that meeting I felt on top of the world and like I can accomplish anything. Today I was a completely different person...the person I have looked forward to becoming....a confident, smart and fun young woman.
Funny story with that though too. I had to email one of my other bosses (I know you have all heard about C -- let me refresh your memory if not, he's the other hot guy in our group besides J) about truck mileage for the month of January so I could finish up payroll numbers to pass on to someone else. Being in Laredo right now, I wasn't sure if he would be able to get them to me as soon as I needed them, but I still gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked that it be taken care of as soon as he had a free minute because it was important for the next step which has to be done by next Monday. About 30 minutes later, I get a reply to my email with all of the mileage numbers that I needed. I was so appreciative because it took a ton of work off of me because I plug these few numbers into a calculation and it gets the next piece of the puzzle going, so I emailed him back and was pleasant and said, "thanks...that helped tremendously! How's Laredo?" Just making small talk because we have missed him in the office this week and I got another response back: "It's warm and sunny and 70 degrees!! I heard you guys got snow -- Yuck!!" And becuase I was in such a giddy sort of mood and because I have this new outlook, I replied back. This continued on for about an hour...not constantly but in between what I was working on and what he was doing down at the terminal. I would have never thought that I would have gotten one response back...let alone the 5 or so that I did. I've now determined that it doesn't hurt to get out there and stir it up a bit...you might actually make someone' s day and make them feel more comfortable and at ease also. I know this seems a little strange, but because of the situation, which I really can't mention a whole lot about right now, this was a definite change.
From all of this rambling, I've come up with one conclusion...it's alright to put yourself out there and while you might think you look or sound stupid, it's ok -- a person is usually 10 times harder on themself than anyone else would be. I can't worry about what everyone else thinks and I need to just take care of me...even if it means looking like a complete doofus every now and then.
Finally, if I haven't confused everyone enough already, here's one more thing. M and I found out today that moving day is Monday. We're moving from our quiet, cute little office in the back of the suite to the big billing and accounting addition that was just opened 3 weeks ago. We're looking forward to the change, but we know it's going to be a big difference as well. No longer can we make our crazy comments back and forth about Laredo or dancing at Syberg's on J's birthday or doing our impressions of our favorite people in the office. I have a feeling that we're going to be a bad influence on the two new people in billing. We'll see how next week goes, but they might be asking us to move back into our quaint little office at the end of the hall!
I'll keep you updated!
By the way, Happy Birthday M! The party of the year is Friday night after work to celebrate!
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