Change of Course

Well, I had this great post in my head about the fun weekend I had with my class reunion on Saturday night and then the book signing on Sunday where I was able to meet Food Network's Alton Brown, but at it always seems to happen, when things are going really well, something horrible has to happen. And those posts got pushed to the wayside shortly after I got home on Sunday night.

As of Monday morning at 5:30 am, Broccoli decided we could no longer see one another.  He hoped to fix the dysfunction in the rest of his family and could no longer be with me.  I am hurt, shocked and completely devastated.  Our relationship wasn't perfect but I cherished every minute of it.  We became a couple after we both had faced some really hard times in our life and after 3 1/2 years together, I thought we were moving forward.  I never pressured him for more than a commitment of spending time with me a few days a week and while it seems strange, marriage and kids were never something brought to the table and we agreed the way we operated worked for us.  He has kids already and I adored them immensely but I never wanted to be the person stepping in to try to be their mother, only a positive female role model at a later time.  He understood that and agreed that my feelings were the best given everything he had dealt with in the past.  There never seemed to be any issues with that.  And because I am the person that I am, if he asked otherwise, I probably would have accepted anything asked of me.

I lost my best friend, my boyfriend and the guy that motivated me most to excel in everything I tried to do.  He was my motivator, cheerleader, and overall esteem builder when times got tough.  I'm lost, I'm at a crossroad in my life now.  I need to move forward and while everyone keeps telling me there are more fish in the sea, I just want the one back that gave me so much life.  I guess now I take this hardship and learn from it and work to make my life what I want it to be once again.

Sorry for the downer post, but I've tried to remain myself as much as possible in blogland and this is the reality of me right now.