We're halfway through 2025 and let me say, this year has kicked my butt so far. Nothing is seriously wrong and we're not in dire conditions but nothing has gone as expected and right now, I'm feeling a bit of pity for myself and the choices I've made this year. I'll explain more....
Right now, I'm sitting at home while my family goes our on summer vacation to Branson without me and I'm sad. A month ago I started my new job, a move I desperately needed to make to restore some sanity in my life. When I started my job, I knew we had this vacation planned and my boss was fine with me taking off a few days as long as we had a stable team in place.
Two days after I started my new job, the stability fell out and the most tenured member of the team suddenly resigned. That teammate, who had been there about a year and a half, had the most knowledge out of the 3 of us at that point. On a positive note, that person leaving actually allowed me to jump in full force and learn absolutely everything I could and as quickly as I could without stepping on toes. However, it has also been a bit of a negative thing because it's basically me running the show after only 2 days and trying to figure out what the heck is going on without falling too far behind on day to day responsibilities. On top of it, the other accountant on the team has only been there a month longer than me and from what I can tell, doesn't know much or just doesn't feel comfortable to work independently relies upon me for keeping him on task all day, every day. I don't like being a micromanager, but with him I have to be and it's wearing on me. And since we haven't found a replacement for the accountant who left, the only option for me was to opt out of my family vacation and work to keep things afloat at the office so I can keep my job without looking like I don't care. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my new job and many of the people I work with, but in my head I'm thinking, "Did I make the right move by leaving my old job?
Should I have stuck it out at the old place and just sucked it up even though it sucked the life out of me every day?"
Honestly, I probably did make the right move by leaving and this is just a rough time where I'm doubting everything since I'm home without my family and missing out on some core memories with my kids. Plus, I enjoy getting away to the cabin in Branson each year and having fun at Silver Dollar City and White Water as it brings back happy memories for me as a kid when life was much simpler.
Anyway, here's hoping the 2nd half of 2025 brings back some of the happiness I used to feel. The last few years have really taken it out of me personally and professionally and I'd love to just get through life without worrying about what people think about me and if I'm doing enough for everyone. Also, I'd love to be egocentric but that's just not in me.
In the meantime, I hope D, my kids and my parents have fun on vacation and I'll just dream and hope that next year I get to be a part of it all.
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